Enemies With Benefits (Loveless Brothers, #1)

by Roxie Noir

I hop out and heave the door shut without responding, because anything I say will lead to us arguing in a truck, in a trailer park at almost one in the morning, and that’s how an episode of Cops starts.

“Question,” Daniel says, finally breaking the silence. We’re in his car, nearly home, and I’m in the passenger seat staring out the window as the trees fly past. “Yeah?” “Are we going to pretend I didn’t catch you making out with Violet back there?” “Yes,” I say.

I’m blindsided by a sudden, irresistible thought: I want to leave here and take her with me. I want us to leave Sprucevale behind. I want to bring her somewhere new, somewhere exciting where she’s never been. I want to take her breath away and make her giddy with happiness, just like this.

But that’s never been true of anything between Violet and I. Nothing is ever meaningless.

“It’s the feeling that everything around you is slightly wrong and you can’t fix it,” I say, still staring at her. “It’s a bone-deep desire to bury yourself in the familiar.” She turns and looks at me, her face unreadable. “It’s wanting what you already know and can’t have,” I finish.

“Then don’t call me Tulane, Loveless,” she says. She’s teasing me. “Don’t call me Loveless, Tulane.

But I like the way my name sounds when she says it. I like the way she looks at me, the way she practically dares me to do something, the way my heart thunders with every inch she comes closer.

“Thanks for the ride,” she says, already pushing the door open. “I gotta get — you know, work — and it’s kind of cold out here? And I’m sure you also need to get home…” “Violet.” “And I have to figure out how to get my car back?” “Violet.” Finally, she looks at me. Dead in the eye. “It’s a bad idea, Eli,”

Besides, there’s no way in hell I could share a woman I like. I’d lose my damn mind.

“That’s not why you didn’t like it,” I cut her off. I’m smiling, despite myself, taunting her even when I know better. I can’t help myself. I never could. “You didn’t like seeing me with her because you were jealous.”

I give her this, even though what I want more than anything at this moment and every moment is just to kiss her again.

I don’t like this. I don’t want to feel beholden to Eli. I don’t want to feel like I owe him anything, like he’s got some advantage over me that he could hold over my head.

“I like to think I would have been nicer if I’d known.” I don’t point out that calling someone a moron isn’t nice ever.

“That one’s got a nice kitchen,” he says thoughtfully. “Wasted on you, obviously, but…” Eli shrugs, trails off like there’s something he thought better of saying.

“But what? Get out of my chair,” I say, shooing him. “But I’d know how to use it,” he says, not moving.

I don’t have a plan. I know it’s not working, but total denial is all I’ve got right now.

The truth is, I don’t know what I want besides him. I want him whispering dirty nothings in my ear while he fucks me. I want him teasing me with kisses in a parking lot behind a barbecue shack. I want his arm slung over me as I fall asleep at night and I want him there in the morning, his weight on his side of the bed soothing.

“I need a new profile picture on Facebook,” I tell her. “Not funny,” she says. “Everyone already knows,” I point out, taking another one. “I don’t have anything worth blackmailing me for,” she says. Snap. Snap. Snap. “Kiss me,” I say. Her face turns upward. I can barely see the outline of it, flash-blind. “Don’t argue about it, just kiss me,” I say. She does. I take a picture. I take five, and then I put my phone down and just kiss her back.

It’s enough to make me wish this could actually work.

I kiss her like we’re in love. She kisses back the same way, her hand soft against my face, her lips gentle.

“Eli,” I say. He stops tapping for a second, his eyes flicking to mine. “Violet. “I like you,” I say.

There’s more to it than that. There’s desire and lust, obviously, and there’s everything that’s between us. But there’s also these quiet moments. There’s also him showing me the constellations on his roof or holding me in the car while I told him about my mom. There’s making pancakes for breakfast and bringing pies to his family dinner.

“I like you, too,” he whispers back, his eyes crinkling with a smile as he brings my hand to his ...

He saunters straight over to us. My heart flutters and I brace myself, all at once, remembering our conversation from last night. We’re real now. I’m fully prepared to admit to the world that Eli Loveless is my boyfriend.

I’m disappointed. I’m bummed. I’m sad I didn’t win, and yeah, there’s a part of me that’s annoyed that Eli did. But there’s a bigger part that knows he deserves it, and that part’s actually happy for him.

“But I want to be someone you can always trust. I want to always have your back. I want to always be there, behind you, and I want to be so constant you never have to think about whether I’m yours or not. I just am. I’m there. I’m there and I always am and you never have to wonder whether I’d hurt you, and can you believe I rehearsed this?” he asks.

“I’ve been to a lot of places and there’s no one else like you,” he says, his voice suddenly low, serious. “You’re it, Violet.

You’re all there is for me. It’s you or a life of austere hermitude. Let me be yours.”

I’m still looking into his eyes. I’m crying again, tears of relief and penance and sorrow. Tears of gratitude. I try to say yes, but I can’t get my voice out, I can only make my lips form the words. In the end, I nod. Eli crushes me against him and I bury...

She apologizes for throwing away my toothbrush and gives me a new one.

That night, I just hold her. It feels important, somehow, just being there. Just being with her. Just being hers.

This is love. I’ve known it for a while but the understanding flashes through me again as I move inside her, as I feel her body underneath me and worship it with my own.

“And not because you’re the best at anything. I love you for who you are. You’re determined, you’re smart, you’re funny. You’re never boring. I went around the world looking for someone like you and you were here all along.”

Also, it’s insane to give someone a house. I stand firmly by that. It might also be insane to buy a house with the guy who’s only been your boyfriend for a few months, but I’m choosing to ignore that.

“But mostly, I wanted to remember the moment I realized I was in love with you.”