Gray After Dark

by Noelle W. Ihli

By then, I’d be gone. Either tearing through the forest at a dead run—or just plain dead.

It was now or never.

Work with the pain, not against it,

As I studied the magnificent bird, the smile slowly died on my lips. The first person I wanted to tell—the one person I couldn’t tell—was Mom.

The fact that I’d never see that look again—and the fact that it was my fault—was an ache I knew would never go away.

Opening up your heart is messy—and risky. But keeping your heart locked is risky, too.

“The only thing I’m afraid of in this wilderness is Jennifer.”

“I’ve spent plenty of time in the woods.” “Not these woods,” Wes said solemnly, then ducked his head and turned away.

Jennifer scares me way more than any bear.

There was a glow in her eyes, a fierce intensity. We were surrounded by our teammates and the chaos of the post-race bustle. But in that photo, it looked like she only had eyes for me. My heart twinged. I didn’t have to study my own expression in the photo to know that I was giving her the very same look.

“Rayna was a staff member here. Years ago,” Jennifer finally began. “She went missing,” she added stiffly. “Her body was never recovered.”

If I swam for the opposite shore, they would shoot me rather than let me get away. But if I swam toward them, I might wish they had.

ignored them, keeping my eyes on the blonde nest of hair Fred had pulled out. It was lying on the side of the trail, where he’d let it fall from his hands like a piece of trash. It gave me an idea.

I would find her. I didn’t care what it took. I’d find her.

All that mattered was finding her.

Protected by God and Guns. If you can read this, you are down range.

“I know Hame ain’t much to look at, but you know what they say, ‘All cats look gray after dark.’

“You want to get out of those chains, Ruthie Sue? Start by learning your place.”

Don’t lose your shit and fall apart. Miley’s voice echoed in my mind.

Lots of other folks who might still be alive,

My gut told me that Miley had taken off the tracker intentionally.

I smiled back, imagining the blade of the secret knife I held getting sharper.

Because it wasn’t just a piece of tech; it was a piece of her.

Miley’s voice was in my mind. Don’t let your emotions run away with you. Keep your head.

“Well, people can change.” Or learn how to manipulate a little better.

I could see that it was a thin cluster of hair. Long, blonde strands of hair. Miley’s hair.

The cabin door opening.

But Miles didn’t leave this trail of hair because she’s playing Hansel and Gretel. She did it because this was the only way she could make a trail.”

At some point, the strands of hair would run out. At some point, we’d cross paths with the person who had fired that gun, shot that deer.

I welcomed the darkness. Anymore, it was my only friend.

The idea of dying didn’t seem so bad anymore.

If I was a bad dog, they’d just put me down and return to the pet shop. Kidnap another woman. It was an inconvenience, but that’s all.

Because you still have a shot. Just one. Don’t waste it.

Hope was one thing. Delusion was another.

There was a time to acknowledge defeat and go home. Miley knew that better than anybody. But she was also the last person to admit it, and so was I these days.

But daylight was already fading to gray,

This was our last push, and nothing would slow me down this time.

And that’s when I saw it. A scrap of fabric tied to the lowest branch of a pine.

“Mary is dead.”

When was the right time to take my shot and hope for the best?

Do that one more time.

I ran until the night turned gray with the approaching dawn.