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This is all Fax’s fault. Fax News took Noah’s parents away. You know their stupid slogan: Just the Fax—cheekily misspelled in some outdated Reagan-era wisecrack. This right-wing propaganda machine masquerading as a twenty-four-hour news network had been reprogramming his parents for years.
He’d laugh with half the country if his own mom and dad weren’t drinking the goddamn ultraconservative Kool-Aid.
They are GOP pod people now. This is eons beyond just some silly ideological divide between generations.
Where the fuck did they keep them? The crisis students? The test tube kids? These lizard children had to be here somewhere. Hiding. They looked like normal kids—but they weren’t. They weren’t real children at all. You just had to look closely enough. Adjust the motion smoothing. Then you’d know the difference.
You’re done for, you just fucking know it. Zombified before it even began, because of course you wouldn’t last that long in the apocalypse. Fucking of course.
After years of Instacart and Uber rides, you do not have the tools to survive. Your liberal values aren’t going to save you now that the world has gone to total shit.
Did you pack a bag for the Rapture? Forget your passport? Were you left behind?
