Wake Up and Open Your Eyes
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Read between March 30 - March 31, 2025
8%
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“We’re only a little over an hour away, folks,” Tammany says. “Can you feel it? Time to WAKE UP. OPEN OUR EYES.
8%
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He’d laugh with half the country if his own mom and dad weren’t drinking the goddamn ultraconservative Kool-Aid.
16%
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Their chyron flashes BREAKING NEWS, but isn’t news always breaking nowadays? Isn’t the news all broken by now? Smashed to bits?
22%
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Socially liberal, fiscally conservative.
23%
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No war at all. Just aimless anger. Anger at what they’re doing in the public schools. Anger at the libraries. Anger at vaccination mandates. Anger at—at— Jesus, anger at just about everything.
23%
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He found himself in an echo chamber of faceless profiles. Anime avatars. Mountain Dew–drenched selfies. Cartoon frogs.
Tanner Donathan
PepeHands
24%
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He had a habit of chewing on the drawstrings, gnawing on the knot until it was soaked in spit, which miffed Mom to no end.
69%
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Fax News Brain. It’s spreading. It’s communicable. Mad cow disease for conservatives.
79%
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Fax News Brain. That’s what we’re—I’m—calling it. Literal brain rot.
85%
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It’s every Democrat for themselves out here. Survival of the leftist. You know you’re next if you don’t keep running.