My Vampire Plus-One

by Jenna Levine

REGINALD: Where does Cassie get her food REGINALD: Also what does she eat FREDERICK: Her food? FREDERICK: To be frank, her taste in food is disgusting. Even if I were capable of eating human food I don’t think I would ever willingly put something called “Hot Cheetos” into my body. FREDERICK: Why do you ask? REGINALD: I need to get some human food FREDERICK: I guessed as much. But why? REGINALD: A human friend has dietary limitations that her family doesn’t respect REGINALD: Which is total BS if you ask me!!!!!! REGINALD: And I just thought I’d buy her some food she can eat to show her not everyone ignores her needs FREDERICK: Since when do you have human friends? REGINALD: I’ve always had human friends FREDERICK: Liar. FREDERICK: This is for Amelia isn’t it. REGINALD: No REGINALD: Absolutely not REGINALD: Why would you even think that?? FREDERICK: Because you haven’t stopped talking about the Beautiful Brilliant Accountant since the night you met her. FREDERICK: AND because you haven’t had human friends since we used to try and lure them into the Thames for sport. REGINALD: Oh man, I haven’t thought about the Thames Games in AGES FREDERICK: Reginald. REGINALD: Fine. REGINALD: It’s for Amelia REGINALD: So what? FREDERICK: Are you falling for her? REGINALD: FALLING for her? REGINALD: Absolutely not FREDERICK: Oh so you’re just randomly thinking about someone other than yourself for the first time in 200 years, then? FREDERICK: REGINALD: I have better things to do than to fal...