My Vampire Plus-One

by Jenna Levine

laptop had cracked when it hit the ground? I quickly scooped up my bag and shuffled through it to make sure my MacBook was okay.

Accountants don’t use MacBooks

Matt had been a CPA, like me. He had thick dark hair, wore these ridiculous librarian glasses that worked for him, and made love the same way he did everything: thoroughly, and with frequent references to the Internal Revenue Code. He was almost unconscionably hot—which was part of why I’d started dating him in the first place—but our relationship left a lot to be desired. So did Matt, I came to find out, both as a person and as a boyfriend. I was devastated when I found out he’d been cheating on me with another woman, who worked at his accounting firm—even if I knew I never wanted to listen to someone talk about step-up basis while I was on the cusp of orgasm ever again.

Ileglal

decided to reply to the first of Mom’s texts and ignore the part where she wanted to have him over for dinner. He couldn’t possibly want to come, anyway.

Avoidant attached