Maintaining her new position was anything but easy. “I get terribly tense when John and Billy go at it,” Ms. Kesler explained to me. “When I hear John go on and on, I start feeling upset and ready to blow. Sometimes I go to the bathroom just to get away or leave the house to take a walk.” Ms. Kesler was able to take this distance when she needed it, without criticizing her husband. In a calm, nonblaming manner she explained to him, “When you and Billy start getting riled up, I sometimes react by getting uncomfortable and upset. I’m not sure what my reaction is about, but when I start to feel
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