When I was pregnant I felt so happy. I made beautiful things and it felt like the baby was with me as I created. Then they pull you open and they pull the baby out and they leave you like that.’ She looks back down at the baby. ‘I haven’t closed back up yet. I feel like anything could get in. I feel like a channel. I thought I would be here with my baby and that I would be a channel of peace—that we would be so safe with each other. But I am wide open and all that’s coming in is awful. I am so tired. I think I’m hearing things and seeing things and sometimes my thoughts darken and they are so
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