War with the Newts

by Karel Čapek

There can, of course, be no suggestion of independent thought.

There is absolutely no need to overrate its intelligence,

since in no respect does it exceed the intelligence of the average person of our time.

(We do not mean the Salamander Dance which became the rage at that time especially in the best society and which Bishop Hiram declared to be ‘the most obscene dance he had ever heard of’.)

It is a well-known fact that all collectors are prepared to steal or do murder for the sake of acquiring a new piece for their collection; but this does not in any way reflect on their moral character.

Most of them volunteer to go, that is they go in response to a single sharp command; only occasionally is mild force needed, such as shackling.

Science established the Normal Salamander, a rather boring and mediocre creature; only the press now and again still discovered a Miracle Newt, capable of multiplying five-digit numbers in its head, but even that ceased to amuse the public when it was shown that, given appropriate training, this skill might even be acquired by a mere human.

One popular philosopher, George Sequenz by name, even developed a special religious teaching for Newts, its central and highest article of faith being belief in the Great Salamander. Admittedly, this faith gained no adherents among the Newts at all, but it had quite a following among humans, especially in the big cities, where a huge number of secret temples of the salamander cult sprang up virtually overnight.

what else is civilisation than the ability to make use of things invented by someone else?

the world was accustomed to catastrophes in China and, so it seemed, the odd million lives did not matter greatly there.