What It's Like in Words: A Novel

by Eliza Moss

I hid the parts of myself that I didn’t like and sometimes I wondered how much of me was left visible after that.

I had never felt sexy before, but I believed him because, at this point, I was what he told me.

Because I love you so much and you’re my best friend and you deserve to be happy and, like, if he makes you happy then I’m happy for you, you know?

He left small beats before each answer, and his cadence was a typewriter’s.

Ruth was choosing each word carefully and handing them to me like they were glass, like they could shatter if she was too forceful.

It’s strange, but I always assumed it would feel like a victory when he said those words to me, like his love was a trophy I could win by running faster than everyone else.

didn’t stop laughing, you just stopped being funny.

was never scared of living without him. I was scared of him leaving. Like wanting a tumor removed but being terrified of dying on the table.

I feel love thick as honey for her,

Because the way I love you is every definition, every dictionary, every translation.”