Fragile Sanctuary (Sparrow Falls, #1)

by Catherine Cowles

“You shouldn’t hide a damned thing, Reckless. Especially not something that proves how strong you are.”

“What are you doing?” “You like me.” My whole body stiffened. “I do not.” Rhodes’ smile only widened more, making the gold in her eyes spark and swirl. “Do, too.” “What are you, five?” I snapped.

“Anson.” Her tongue wrapped around my name in a languid stroke. “If you hated me, you would’ve left me alone in my panic attack. You would’ve ignored the fact that I was hurting. But you didn’t. You helped. You’re not the bad guy you want people to think you are.”

“You don’t know me,”

“No, I don’t. But I’d like to. Because I think you could use a friend.”

Friend. The urge to scoff was so strong. Friends wasn’t something I could be with Rhodes. For many reasons. A friend didn’t think about shoving the other against a wall and driving into them so hard they couldn’t breathe. A friend didn’t imagine wrapping the other’s hair around his fist as he fucked her mouth. A friend didn’t picture what ...

“An...

“Go inside, Re...

Hearing her say my name was the most beautiful kind of torture.

While I didn’t call Nora Mom, she knew she would always be that to me in all the ways that mattered. I’d slipped easily into thinking of Cope, Shep, Trace, and Arden as siblings. Even Kye, who’d come to live with us later. And I’d always thought of Fallon as a sister.

It was good. I just had to make it through the hard to get to that good. Panic attacks and all.

“King of anti-color?”

“Even your boots are black. What did color ever do to you?”

“Reminds me of what I lost.”

So many people were uncomfortable with agony. They couldn’t stand to see others in the throes of grief because it reminded them of what was at stake in their lives. That they, too, could lose everything in a flash.

It was deep indigo blue. Not the brightest of the bunch, but its variegated tones were still more than I was used to. Everything in my life was about necessity and nothing more. No extra comforts or luxuries. Maybe that was part of my self-inflicted punishment.

“Stop being such a grump and sit down. It’ll take five minutes.”

“I can’t feel what I need to with gloves.”

“What do you need to feel?”

“The give of the soil. Whether there’s resistance or not. If the plant works where I’m placing it.” A small smile played on her lips. “Might sound woo-woo, but I swear the soil talks to me. There’s an energy to it. I never want to miss what it tells me.”

When I left for work this morning, I’d seen the king of anti-color’s black truck, but no sign of the man. Sometimes, I thought he was part ghost. Or maybe he was just an expert at avoiding me.

He didn’t even really seem to let his guard down around Shep, and my brother was his best friend. It made me sad for Anson because that had to be one lonely existence.

“All places Rho frequented.”

“You don’t know what kind of game you’re playing, Reckless.” It was one that could leave us both in ruins.

“Seems like a fun game to me.”

“It’s Anson Sutter Hunt.”

I watched her go for too long, as though I could see the particles she left in her wake. I wanted to grab each one and hold them close. But they were like fireflies. If you kept them captive, they’d die. All you could do was relish having them swirl around you in the moments they graced you with their presence.

But somehow, in those tiny stolen moments with her, Rho had shattered the walls I’d constructed around that pain. She’d made it okay to let some pieces free.

Fuck. That was not what I wanted to hear. I didn’t want to be anyone’s hope. Not with my track record.

She wasn’t afraid to show the world how she felt. Happy, sad, anything in between. She just let those emotions fly. There was bravery in that freedom. And I admired the hell out of it.

“I’ve realized lately that because I lost them, I never take one second with the Colsons for granted. Because my mom can’t see her garden bloom each summer, I take extra time breathing mine in every year. Because my dad won’t ever get to read the new John Grisham, I’ll read it for him and appreciate the twists that much more. And because Emilia won’t ever get to grow old, I’m going to embrace every wrinkle and age spot.”

“It doesn’t mean I’m glad they’re gone. It doesn’t mean I miss them any less. But I’m going to let that loss teach me, not harden me.”

Every inhale felt like breathing fire. Flames scalded my throat and lungs. It was torture just to stay alive. That’s what it had become.

“I don’t think I’m as stro...

“Everyone has their own path to get there. Yours doesn’t have to look like mine. You just can’t stop walking it.”

all sunshine and recklessness.

Rho always had vitality running through her, but this was something different. I let that other piece of my brain slide into place.

“Because I’m holding on to my last shred of humanity, and if you stand here in those goddamn shorts for another ten seconds, it’s going to snap.”

“I fuck you so hard you’ll feel me for weeks. I’ll ruin you, Reckless. You think I can’t taint you with my pain and the darkness that lives inside me, but you’re wrong.”

“One.” She licked her lips. “Two.” “What the hell are you doing?” I snarled. “Counting down to the snap,” Rho challenged. “Three.” Everything about her set my blood on fire, from her strength to her beauty to her fearlessness. “Four…” she goaded, slipping one strap of her tank top down. “Five.” The other fell free. “Fuck it.”

That heat. It was the kind of flame you never recovered from.

“Ask. Ask me to make you come. Beg.”

“Eyes on me.”

“Please, for the love of God, get dressed. I’ll deal with the shower and your brother.” I bit my lip. “Don’t do that either,” he snapped, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Clothes. Please. Preferably a parka.”

Pain flared, hot and bright. I let out a strangled sound that didn’t resemble anything human. “Biscuit!” Rho scolded. She winced as she took in my face. “Are you okay?” “I’ll never have children, but other than that, dandy,”

“I can try to get him in the back again.”

“Just leave him here. If he does that again, you’ll be taking me to t...

“I sincerely apologize to y...

“Don’t say that word. They’ve had enough abuse ...

“About t...