Fragile Sanctuary (Sparrow Falls, #1)

by Catherine Cowles

Like my mom. My dad. Emilia. And me, in a way. The me I’d been then had died right along with them, thanks to old wiring in an even older house. A home that had been so full of life and love once but had been left half-burned for the past fourteen years.

“The only thing they would want is for you to be happy.” My throat burned as it worked to hold back a sob. “I know. But sometimes being happy feels like the worst betrayal of all.”

was an asshole. But an asshole was better than the alternative. Better than caring. About anything or anyone. Caring was a recipe for nothing but agony.

Happiness was the greatest torture of all because it could all be taken away—and it was so much worse than if you’d never experienced it at all.

Only the last section of each book remained dusted with black flecks from the fire. Because as frequently as I revisited each one, I couldn’t seem to force myself to make it to the end. Of any of them. Something about the endings was too painful, too final, even if they were happy.

“Look, we’ll be running into each other a lot over the next few months. Maybe we can start over.” I extended my hand. “I’m Rhodes, but everyone calls me Rho.” He stared at my hand like it was a snake poised to strike. “We don’t have to play nice. I’m here to do a job. You stay out of places you shouldn’t be, and I’ll be out of your hair.”

“I don’t do friends. I don’t do silly little girls playing games. Just let me do my job and stay out of my way.” A slap would’ve stung less. But I didn’t let it show. “I might be silly, but silly’s a heck of a lot better than being an asshole.”

“You’ve been nothing but a grumpy asshole since I met you. But with him…” “Don’t do people. Love dogs.” And with that, he stalked back to the main site and his crew.

“You shouldn’t hide a damned thing, Reckless. Especially not something that proves how strong you are.”

“You need to go inside and eat. Think you can stay upright long enough to do that?” Instead of being annoyed with me, Rhodes just smiled. It was far too wide for the situation. “What are you doing?” “You like me.” My whole body stiffened. “I do not.” Rhodes’ smile only widened more, making the gold in her eyes spark and swirl. “Do, too.” “What are you, five?” I snapped.

Because I think you could use a friend.” Friend. The urge to scoff was so strong. Friends wasn’t something I could be with Rhodes. For many reasons. A friend didn’t think about shoving the other against a wall and driving into them so hard they couldn’t breathe. A friend didn’t imagine wrapping the other’s hair around his fist as he fucked her mouth. A friend didn’t picture what the other would look like sprawled across his sheets while he ate her until she screamed.

know it’s hard to have the reminders around. It’s easier to lock them away. But sometimes you need to just take the first step.”

“No gardening gloves?” My mom had been religious about wearing them, never wanting the dirt to stain her fingers. Rhodes shook her head. “I can’t feel what I need to with gloves.” I frowned as I watched her place the next two bundles of blooms. “What do you need to feel?” She shrugged, the action sending some of that wild hair into her face. “The give of the soil. Whether there’s resistance or not. If the plant works where I’m placing it.” A small smile played on her lips. “Might sound woo-woo, but I swear the soil talks to me. There’s an energy to it. I never want to miss what it tells me.” Rhodes lifted her head, brushing the hair out of her face and leaving a smear of dirt behind. I lifted my hand without conscious thought, my thumb swiping across her cheek. “It is fucking woo-woo. But it’s you.”

Anson nodded slowly. “There’s no greater gift than peace.” His words were simple, but they carried weight. Because they were spoken by a man who clearly hadn’t found it yet—not for any length of time anyway.

I don’t do relationships.” Pain flared somewhere deep, the agony of rejection making me start to pull away. But Anson grabbed my arm. His grip managed to be both gentle and firm. But his fingers burned, the contact searing into me. “It’s not you,” he gritted out. “I don’t do relationships with anyone. Not friendship, not more. Wouldn’t want to saddle a single soul with the fucked-up shit that’s me. But you keep looking at me with those kiss-me eyes, all green and sparking gold, and it’s killing me. Doesn’t matter how much I want to drown in your taste. How much I want to know what it would be like to sink into that sweet heat. I can’t. I won’t.”

“Thought it wouldn’t be bad to have our fire-restoration expert on hand.” Rho’s brow furrowed. “It’s the middle of the night. You shouldn’t have woken him up.” “Yes, he should’ve,” I growled.

“You don’t need to know the details.” “She does.” It was Anson who spoke, his voice low and steady. Trace’s head snapped in his direction. “You don’t know what my sister needs.” Anson didn’t show any signs of reacting. He simply stared at Trace. “She needs to know the seriousness. Needs to know so she’s careful. And she needs to know because it’s her damned life.” The last sentence had a bit of a growl to the words, an edge that challenged.

“Sometimes, absolutely horrible things happen. Things where no silver lining can justify the pain.” An invisible fist locked around my chest at her words, a reminder of the kind of agony she spoke of. Rho’s eyes locked with mine. “But good can come, even out of those darkest depths. It doesn’t mean we’re glad we went through it. It just means we won’t let it change us for the worse.”

“You’re not alone, Anson. Plenty of people would keep you company on the path if you asked. Me included.” Hell. She slayed me. That simple, bold kindness. So unafraid.

“Because I’m holding on to my last shred of humanity, and if you stand here in those goddamn shorts for another ten seconds, it’s going to snap.”

“What happens if you snap?” she whispered. “I fuck you so hard you’ll feel me for weeks. I’ll ruin you, Reckless. You think I can’t taint you with my pain and the darkness that lives inside me, but you’re wrong.” Defiance swept into those witch eyes. “One.” She licked her lips. “Two.” “What the hell are you doing?” I snarled. “Counting down to the snap,” Rho challenged. “Three.”

“Fuck it.” I was on her in two long strides. One hand sank into her hair, hauling her mouth to mine. The other dropped to her ass, pulling her flush against me. Rho gasped into my mouth as my dick pressed against her. I swallowed that gasp, taking it all, every ounce of shock and need. My mouth tore from hers, tracing her jaw until I reached her ear. “Is this what you wanted? To know that you’ve been torturing me in those fucking shorts?” I squeezed her ass, and Rho’s thighs clenched in response. “In that damned tank top that shows me these pretty little nipples standing at attention?”

“Need something, Reckless?”

“Get dressed, Reckless.” Then Anson licked clean the fingers that had just been inside me.

I stiffened, my hand stilling on the counter. “Reckless.” She straightened. “My ex is being a douche canoe, that’s all. Trace talked to him because of our history, and Davis didn’t handle it all that well.” My hand tightened on the paper towel. “What. Did. He. Do?”

“Been dreaming of your taste for the last twenty-four hours. Want to drown in it. To burn it into me so it’s all I have on my tongue.”

“My reckless girl,” he growled. “Been dying for this. Now, grab the headboard and ride my face.”

“You’re gonna pay for this, Reckless. I’m going to tease you until you’re begging, pleading. And then maybe, if you’re really good, I’ll fuck you senseless.”

He pulled me into his arms, the move heartbreakingly gentle and forceful all at once. I felt each heave of Anson’s chest against mine. Each inhale and exhale felt jagged as if they caught on tattered pieces of his heart. “Reckless,” he choked out. My arms went around him, and I held on tight. “I’m okay.” “You’re not,” he growled. “There’s a goddamn gash on your forehead, and someone drove you off the fucking road.”

“What the hell is going on?” Trace barked. That had me whirling on him. “Don’t speak to her in that tone.”

“Can’t handle being away from you,” he croaked. “Especially not when you’re hurting.” He swallowed hard. “I didn’t want to care about anyone. But you shot that all to hell.” My heart hammered against my ribs, butterfly wings dying to break free. A muscle fluttered in Anson’s cheek. “You didn’t sneak past my defenses, you bulldozed them. Reckless to the bone. And maybe you made me brave enough to be reckless, too.”

“But you stormed in anyway. You tore down every wall I put up. I didn’t want to love you. But I fucking do. With every part of me. It’s not a sappy love. It burns. Scars. It changed me. All in the best ways. I love you, Rho. And it killed that I was too scared to give you those words until now.”

“How would you feel about my moving in here while we bring that magic back?” My eyes burned. “You want to live with me?” “Home is wherever you are,” he whispered. “You’re my sanctuary. Where I feel peace. Where I feel seen. Don’t want anything more.” “Yes,” I whispered. “I want you to move in.” My eyes watered as my lips pulled into a smile. “You’re going to have to deal with dick flowers and color, though.”

A Wrinkle in Time. It was the same worn copy I’d read with my dad. “Flip to the end,” Anson said softly. My throat constricted, winding tight. But I was braver now. And I trusted this man with everything I had. My hands trembled as I flipped through the yellowed pages until I reached that final chapter. I stilled as I got to the last page. A beautiful bookmark lay there, one with flowers pressed into the thick paper. And on it read, The End is only a chance for another beginning. Tears spilled over as Anson pulled the bookmark free. At the end of it was what I first thought was a charm. But it wasn’t. It was more. I stopped breathing as I took in the ring. A bronzy gold with the most stunning pink stone I’d seen surrounded by tiny diamonds that made it look as if the ring itself were the most beautiful blossom.