How to be Free from Bitterness, and Other Essays on Christian Relationships

by Jim Wilson

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. (Eph. 4:31—5:2)

Guilt is what we feel when we sin, and bitterness is what we feel when others sin against us.

Bitterness is based on sin that somehow relates to you. It is not concerned with how big the sin is; it is based upon how close it is.

So bitterness does not depend on how great the evil is, it depends on how close the other person is to me

“See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many” (Heb. 12:15).

So the world has two solutions. Keep the bitterness in and make yourself sick, or let it out and spread the sickness around. God’s solution is to dig up the root. Get rid of it. But this takes the grace of God. A man must know the Lord Jesus Christ to be able to do this. He is the source of grace.

The world’s solutions for bitterness shouldn’t be used by Christians.

But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. (Jas. 3:14—15)

One good rule of thumb is this: bitterness remembers details.

I used to remember things, and I do not remember them anymore.”

In order to get rid of sin, I have to bring it back to my own heart. We need to bring the realization of bitterness back to our own hearts.

In order to get rid of it, I need to recognize it as my problem; only then can I confess and forsake it.

Bitterness is just resentment that has been held on to. It has become rancid and rotten. It is kept in and it gets worse.

Again, the reason people do not deal with this sin is that they think it is the other person’s sin.

You keep this wall of bitterness up, and one day he comes to you and he says, “I’m sorry.” Can you now forgive him? No, because bitterness doesn’t forgive.

We have seen that bitterness seems to stem from the other person’s sin—real or imagined. That is only how it appears. In reality bitterness is a sin that stands alone. The bitter person decides to be bitter independently of the offender.

Bitterness is the sin of the bitter person alone, unrelated to anybody else.

When somebody else says he is sorry, it does

not get rid of our bitterness. The only thing that gets rid of bitterness is confession before God because of the Lord Jesus Christ’s death and resurrection. This is the only solution.

If the person who died was a believer, he is with the Lord, forgiven and pure. You are still bitter toward someone who is rejoicing in Heaven because his name is written in the Lamb’s book of life.

We must not keep it and we must not share it with others. There is only one thing to do and that is to confess it as a great and evil sin. We must be as persistent in the confession as necessary.

“For a cup brimful of sweet water cannot spill even one drop of bitter water, however suddenly jolted.”1 If it is full of sweet water and is jolted, what will come out of the cup? Sweet water. If you gave it a harder jolt, what’s going to happen? More sweet water. If someone is filled with sweet water and someone else gives him a jolt, what will come out? Sweet water. Jolts do not turn sweet water into bitter water. That is done by something else.

I got back on my knees.

In order to get rid of it, I have to see that it is evil, and that it is my sin and my sin only. I do not get rid of it through the other person saying he is sorry. I do not get rid of it if the other person quits or dies. I do not get rid of it any other way except calling it sin against the holy God, confessing it and receiving forgiveness.

When Christians start confessing their sins, they will be able to forgive the sins of others.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. (Eph. 4:31—5:2)

“When my soul was embittered, when I was pricked in heart, I was stupid and ignorant…”