How to be Free from Bitterness, and Other Essays on Christian Relationships

by Jim Wilson

How can we tell if we are bitter? One good rule of thumb is this: bitterness remembers details.

Because memory is helped by review, review, and more review. People do not usually mull over the wonderful things as much. But they do go over and over and over the bad things.

Bitterness is just resentment that has been held on to. It has become rancid and rotten. It is kept in and it gets worse.

Bitterness is the sin of the bitter person alone, unrelated to anybody else.

Amy Carmichael has a note in her little book If. “For a cup brimful of sweet water cannot spill even one drop of bitter water, however suddenly jolted.”

When Christians start confessing their sins, they will be able to forgive the sins of others.

Anytime someone counts the number of times he has extended forgiveness, then there is no true forgiveness. If you forgave your brother from your heart each time he sinned against you, each instance would seem like the first time.

Everyone must have forgiveness in his heart so that when the offender refuses to repent, it is obviously his problem.

Bitterness is really unforgiveness. It is saying that someone did something to me, and I am not going to forgive them.

It is possible to have unforgiveness in your heart and still go to church and sing. But it is all a fake! The singing is false. You can make people sing, but when people are clean, you don’t have to make them sing. People will spontaneously sing from a full heart. Why? Because they have clean hearts.

The joy ends when they quit singing because there is uncleanness in their heart.

But how can you show forgiveness to someone when you have to be very firm because you don’t believe in their lifestyle? It is not really that difficult. If you have forgiveness in your heart, they will know it regardless of how firm you are. They will know it, based upon your tone. People can tell when you love them. They can tell when you are being firm because you are bitter, and they can tell when you do it out of love. The only thing you have to be sure of is your attitude in the conversation. You do not have to worry how they will take it. The results are the Lord’s. They may not accept it, but they do know the difference.

We should always forgive those who say they are repentant, no matter how many times they ask. We must not judge whether he is truly repentant.

Perhaps, then, it is okay to be angry if: 1. we do not sin; 2. we don’t go to sleep with it; 3. it is anger from God and not man’s anger; 4. it achieves righteousness; 5. it comes slowly.

It came slowly enough to allow him to make a whip. If we like, we can assume the sun did not go down on His anger.

Once our heart is clean, we should fill it with all sorts of good things. Things that are true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good repute, excellent and worthy of praise are a few suggestions given by Paul in Philippians 4:8. This can also be defined as the renewing of your mind (Rom. 12:2).

The Christian who is given to fits of rage has not wanted to be kept from willful sins. He has allowed them to rule over him. Then he ends up guilty of great transgression.

only a Christian can obey these imperatives: “[S]et your hearts on things above” “Set your minds on things above” “…not on earthly things.”

They can express anger and rage, but they cannot get rid of anger and rage without repentance towards God and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.

For some reason, we put all responsibility on the offender rather than the offended. I have no intention of excusing the uncontrolled tongue. The tongue must be controlled. But until it is, do I have a right to be hurt? Must I remain susceptible to hurt feelings until everybody else is perfect? It seems to me the less efficient of two ways for achieving the same result.

In summary, we should have a like mind to Christ in these four aspects: 1. Don’t grasp onto your identity or your rights. 2. Empty yourself. 3. Be a servant. 4. Be humble.

Our forgiveness of others must be equally limitless.

The sin is forgiven immediately because the blood of Jesus keeps on cleansing.

It was not introspection that made Isaiah conscious of his sin; it was being in the presence of God.

As soon as he confessed his sin, he was forgiven. As soon as he was forgiven, he was ready to be obedient.

You may say that you have never been forgiven that fast. Perhaps you’ve felt that way because of the accuser instead of the convictercleanser. Th...

The next time you find yourself tending toward introspection, refuse to do it. Instead, come to the light. How? Pray the prayer found in Psalm 139:23—24: “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Look up, not in. You do not have to look for sin. You will find sin much more qui...

Forgetting the past is not suppression of sin if the past has been forgiven.

The fascination with this subject matter is never a source of joy. It is a cause of depression.

People love to dwell on the past, which is inevitably fraught with turmoil and angst—fodder for self-justification. It’s wonderful that God provides an alternative!

No, you do not have to wait, but unless you change your relationship with your parents and grandparents you will have to wait two more generations.

Home, with parents, is one of the places where Christians think they are allowed to lose their temper. The relationship then gets worse.

The Scripture says, “Honor your father and mother.” It does not say “only if they deserve it.” Your father is to be honored because he is your father. You are commanded to honor him. This is not optional. If you do not honor him, then you have sinned. The same is true with your mother. Sin is forgivable and repentance is required.

and as a Christian you have an unlimited access to love and forgiveness.

In obeying these commands to love we are to love as God loved. That is unconditional and without reserve or reluctance. We should have and give more love to the person needing love so that his need for love is satisfied. You may think that that is impossible. This person is so starved for love that to love him is like pouring water down a rat hole; you think that you will run out of water before you run out of rat hole. In the meantime he is hanging on to you for more love. You are convinced that you will run out of love before this love-starved person is satiated with it. This might be true if you are counting on his returning love to meet your needs. But if you are filled by the Holy Spirit, you are never going to run out.

Disobedience is directly proportional to the shortfall in love.

One of the best means of expressing love to your children is by not fighting with your spouse. It is a major cause of insecurity. If you do disagree, the children should never hear it. Suppose you already have a history of fighting or disagreeing with your spouse in front of the children. Confess your history to God, then to your spouse and your children, and then forsake the fighting.

Security is often a function of objective truth and subjective feeling.

Two empty, insecure people marry each other to get their own needs met.

babies are needy, demanding creatures. An insecure woman now has greater demands on her than she is able to cope with, especially if there are multiple children. Now she is insecure and frazzled.

As far as security is provided in this world, it comes from a closeness to her father, mother, brothers, sisters, and extended family. Next it comes from her brothers and sisters in Christ who are loving and giving. It comes from her being loving and giving to all kinds of people, even if they do not return the love.

A woman’s long-term objective should be to be holy, loving, kind, joyful, etc. She should also want to have a loving family, loving children, and grandchildren. She should want to have a “Well done, good and faithful servant, enter into the joy of the Lord.”

We have had a worldly view of manliness, that it is determined by testosterone and its results—fighting, drinking too much, football, hunting, soldering, sexual prowess, and authority. In many cases, the emphasis on these characteristics keeps a man from accepting responsibility which is his real evidence of manhood.

Be obedient. By the grace of God, refuse to blame others for something that happened when you were in charge.