The Suite Life
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Read between June 16 - June 17, 2024
4%
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if the ground could just open up and swallow me whole, that would be great.
6%
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My style has been described as effortless too, just, you know, when effortless means without effort.
Anne
I am afraid that’s my style too.
8%
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However, it turned out, he was just generally moody, enjoying his own space and peace and quiet – which is not all that sexy, but everyone is entitled to their boundaries.
Anne
Hey I’m an introvert and need my peace and quiet.
8%
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gift I was taking them didn’t come with a barrel full of awkwardness.
9%
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Mum sighs so deeply it blows the dad joke right out of the room.
22%
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The chance would be a fine thing.
23%
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if pulling out the big guns means I am rifling through my mum’s wardrobe, which I’m almost certain it doesn’t.
Anne
Oh my gosh so funny!
23%
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Bloody hell, I look like Elton John. Perhaps I’ll ditch the red-tinted glasses.
24%
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but I suppose it’s impossible not to blend in, in a room where everyone stands out, if you get what I mean.
24%
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It was like being inside a blender, in fact, it’s only now that the music has stopped that I can hear my ears quite literally screaming for help.
Anne
My view of heavy metal also. My family owned radio stations and there was one I hardly ever listened to because it was scary.
24%
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I’m not entirely sure what to do with myself, standing here alone, although I am mentally writing a list of what I don’t want to do.
25%
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‘No, no,’ I insist, a little too quickly. ‘Stay here, have a nice Threegie.’ I cringe. I don’t think that’s a thing.
Anne
I like learning new things but the fourgie was especially hilarious
25%
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I don’t think rocking up to the wedding with three dates, looking like horny pall-bearers, is going to hit the spot, do you?’
27%
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it’s rarely an actual hack, and is more often just straight-up being deceitful or it isn’t a hack at all, it’s just doing normal things.
Anne
Agree!
31%
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‘She finds it off-key,’ he says again, slower this time. ‘Because you can’t tuna fish.’ Lord. Have. Mercy.
Anne
I love a good dad joke
35%
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Okay, it’s scary how on the money he is.
35%
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Yes, I am accustomed to this lifestyle already, after only one day.
41%
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Oh, for God’s sake, always with the details. I freeze again.
Anne
Why I can’t lie either. There’s always a follow up
42%
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stroll towards him, my shoes dangling from my fingertips and my tail between my legs.
45%
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everyone likes to tell themselves that they’re the main character, right?
45%
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‘Is this to do with your mystery date? Is he someone famous? Oh, my goodness, is he someone royal?’
45%
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‘Was that the one with the bum?’ Dad asks. Yes, that’s about as far as his interest in the royals goes.
Anne
Ha!
46%
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‘Have at it,’ I say generously – because I’m so generous with my free desserts when I have fourteen of them.
47%
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‘Okay, so this is either like something out of a romantic comedy, or a horror movie, and I can’t quite be certain,’ I tell Donnie through a forced smile,
53%
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I definitely didn’t pack anything to wear that screamed: WAG.
56%
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Genuinely, I hadn’t even considered the fact that things could go wrong, that the people I meet might
61%
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make friends fast,’ I say with a smile and a shrug.
61%
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‘No, you don’t,’ she replies. You can always count on your sister for a dose of reality.
Anne
Ha. My best friend who is like a sister says I collect strays.
62%
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if I get murdered right now, I deserve it.
Anne
I’ve been in a position just like that. I was so cold and wet from falling in an airport parking lot and losing my car due to a blizzard that I accepted a ride from a stranger.
62%
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few minutes before it was time to be blindfolded. As you do.
62%
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about is that I don’t ruin it. I mean, come on, I’ve got previous.
62%
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Intrigued, I follow Jeff up the winding staircase, trying to hide how tragically out of breath I am – who knew I was so unfit?
64%
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I wonder what this road is like in the dark, because of course I do, because nothing can be just nice with me, can it?
67%
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we cling to each other, like Scooby-Doo and Shaggy when they see a ghost.
68%
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But seeing him here, all jealous and possessive, has given me the ick.
68%
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Sunshine once claimed her ‘no-make-up’ make-up routine took a whopping forty-five minutes.
71%
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And with that I push my sunglasses back up my nose, lie back on my sunlounger, and bask in my own smugness. You have no idea how long I’ve fantasised about being able to do that.
73%
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Okay, maybe not, but I’m here for a good time, not a long time, so I’ll take my yacht while I can.
73%
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I should’ve got in on that fourgie while I had the chance.
76%
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Sunshine is clearly up to something. Here’s hoping I can nip it in the bud, before it gets out of hand.
82%
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Age doesn’t come into it at all – in anything, I think my generation is lazier about how they look.
86%
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God, I have been waiting for this moment – probably since before I even realised I was waiting for this moment.