Rejection: Fiction

by Tony Tulathimutte

As a thirtysomething, he feels too young to give up but too old to adapt.

I’m sorry your dick is sad or whatever.

He lost his virginity so long ago it feels like it’s grown back.

yall just hitched your psychosexual angst to your self-worth and it’s women’s fault somehow.

If I think about Paw Patrol one second longer I’ll turn into a family annihilator.

ur that bitch who wears a cami under a v-neck because ur too scared to be even a normal amount of slutty

And don’t get too shitfaced to drive home.” Alison gets shitfaced and drives home.

coffee so strong it gives him contractions.

I got it back from him later after threatening to curse him, which he believed I could do since I was Asian.

I’d been acting nonchalant, but I was, to be real, torridly chalant.