Unsteady

by Peyton Corinne

I hit her—which unfortunately isn’t a first for me.

She touched Rhys. She took advantage of him.

Bennett hadn’t been willing to let it go, so I told him. Everything. About the initial pain, the self-inflicted sleep deprivation, the panic attacks, Sadie… everything. He looked angry the entire time, but that’s a usual expression for the controlled goalie. But then, he hugged me. Tight. Loving. His eyes were wet with tears as he looked at me

Thank you, Rhys. For telling me everything, for letting me in.” My dad clears his throat and wipes the tears from his cheeks before meeting my gaze. “Listen to me closely. I don’t care if you toss your skates in the trash tomorrow. I don’t care what you choose to do for the rest of your life as long as you’re happy.” He chuckles and relaxes back into the chair.

Still. This”—he gestures widely—“this life we have, it’s nothing without you safe and happy. That is all I want. I love you, son.” Tears form at the corners of my eyes, and I try to hold them back. “I love you.”

Sadie was my friend before anything else,

Sadie can’t be my crutch if I want her to be mine. I won’t put that on her ever again.

“This is ridiculous. She shouldn’t be this scared to miss practice.”

Relax, Sadie—just miss the fucking practice,” Luc says as he steps closer to her. I feel a little sick. “He can’t—” “He can. And it doesn’t matter—if I miss, then by the school standards I could lose my scholarship.”

You need me to get your brothers?” I nod. “And take them where?” “It’s fine.” She jerks back, immediately defensive about the help being offered. “No, I just—” “Sadie,” I say more firmly. “I know where your house is, I remember it. Where do I need to take them?” Her eyes fill with tears, but she doesn’t let any of them free as she finally

“I don’t know if you’ve met Coach Kelley.” I shake my head. “Only briefly.” “Well.” He huffs another breath, closing his eyes and shaking his head as if this is the last thing he wants to do. “If you have feelings for her, real feelings—and I think it’s clear you do—then you need to watch out for her.” I fight the urge to shove him and growl, I do watch out for her, paying attention to the tone of his voice, the defeated look in his eyes. “She might listen to you about that overly intense coach of hers.”

“She said that’s normal—that he’s just like that with everyone.” Luc shakes his head with a sigh. “Kelley’s not normal. And if you don’t know what’s going on in that fucking rink—”

Because Sadie has been taking care of them alone and you made her take care of you too. Selfish.

He doesn’t show it often, but I’m starting to see that to Oliver, Liam’s and Sadie’s opinions hold more weight than even the praise of an NHL Hall of Famer.

Sadie is more alone than I thought.

“Are we staying here long?” “As long as you want” slips from my mouth before I can think twice. Oliver nods, though, accepting it. “You should tell Ro. Maybe she can make Sissy get some sleep—she never gets any.”

“You’re not gonna make us leave Sadie, right, Rhys?” It’s the first time the youngest sibling has looked at me like that, wary and suddenly unsure. It’s a sharp reminder of exactly how shaky their trust is, even Liam’s. “No.” I check the light again, before turning in my seat to look them both in the eyes. “Never. You and Oliver will always be with Sadie. I’ll make sure of it.” I’ll just make sure she’s not alone in this ever again.

It doesn’t matter. I’ll give Coach Kelley every part of myself to succeed. But I won’t give up my brothers.

Her face crumples, tears weaving down her cheeks as she breaks into slightly shuddering sobs—like she’s holding back a complete meltdown.

I’ll take all the anger she needs to release; I’ll be her punching bag if I need to. If it helps. I don’t care, as long as it wipes that despairing, empty look from her eyes.

You’re not their parent, Sadie.” “I am!” she shouts back,

“I don’t want you to keep me away, okay? I want to be part of your life.”

His hands tighten briefly on my thighs, like he’s worried I might bolt at any moment. But I’ve decided. He’s worth any of it—and if he doesn’t mind how fucked up and messy my life is, how little time I can afford to lose, then I’m not telling him to go.

The soft name makes me want to giggle, and twirl my hair, and bask in everything that he is.

He loops an arm around me, kisses the top of my head, and continues his game conversation with the boys in the kitchen. He doesn’t stop talking, even as he lifts me to sit on the barstool in front of him and rests his arms on the counter, caging me in between them.

“I’m his girlfriend.”

It’s my first game, and I’m going specifically as Rhys Koteskiy’s girlfriend. I’m half thrilled, half terrified.

she gave me a tight, squeezing hug, not letting go until I finally relaxed. Into my ear, she said she was proud of me. And then she was gone.

I can already hear Coach Kelley in my ear about the weigh-in before the next comp—which

a large 51 in a pearlescent white with navy stitching. Rhys Koteskiy’s number.

But then I see Rhys, sprawled on his back, not moving—his chest or his head.

Sadie Gray is my fucking girlfriend now. I want to shout it so that my dad, the trainers—hell, the whole building—can hear me.

I’m completely in love with her.

And no one was taking care of her. No one had been taking care of her for years. That was her normal.

“I don’t know what I’m going to have to do to prove to you and Oliver that I’m not leaving—and honestly, I don’t care what it is, I’ll do it.”

“You don’t need to say anything right now, okay? I can love you enough for the both of us.”

I’ve never belonged to anyone, or anywhere. It’s a warm feeling when I thought it would be suffocating.

The reason he cares for the boys and wants to keep us close. It’s because he’s seen this his whole life. Has been surrounded by love. Loving me, loving my brothers—it’s easy for him.

Hours ago, I had her in my arms. Why does it feel like she is suddenly completely out of reach?

God, even in my head, I’m a fucking control freak.

“Overtraining, you mean. You sprained it because you were overtraining.”

“You are worth it. And if I have to fight the little demons in your mind that convince you otherwise every day for the rest of our lives? I’ll happily do it. Do you understand?”

the girl dressed in my old Waterfell University sweatshirt and leggings,

Anna and Max Koteskiy adopted my brothers.

That I did it. I got them out.

“Yes, hotshot,” I say into his skin, like telling a secret. “Forever, yes.”