Unsteady

by Peyton Corinne

“Sadie’s Songs for Reece’s Sad Demon Brain,” I read aloud, before adding, “You spelled Rhys wrong.” “Your parents spelled your name wrong on the birth certificate. Your way looks like Rise. So if anything, I fixed it.”

“I’m not mad at Sadie,” I tell him quietly. There’s a hesitancy to his stance, in every line of his face, like he wants to say more but he doesn’t know how. So I take a guess. “I’m not gonna leave her, Oliver. Never, okay? She may ask me to go one day, but I will never be the one to leave. Not her, or your brother, or you. Tell me you understand that.”

“I love you. I love everything about you. I love your anger and your snark. I love the way you skate—like you’re full of fire. It makes me remember when I fell in love with hockey. I love how you take care of your brothers, how you protect and love Ro. I love the way you get that frustrated-confused look on your face—the same one you have right now—with the little divot between your brows.”

“And nothing—no dark part of you, or your life—will ever change that. So, like I told Oliver, if you don’t want me anymore, that’s something I’ll have to deal with. But there will never be a day that I do not want you.”

“You don’t need to say anything right now, okay? I can love you enough for the both of us.”

“I will spend every day forever reminding you how amazing and special you are. How lucky I am to have someone so brave and smart and talented and beautiful love me. I see the way you love your brothers. I know how special your kind of love is.”