Unsteady

by Peyton Corinne

“Bye, Rhys! Next week I’ll bring my helmet. It’s got stickers on it,” Liam practically shrieks,

love little liam

“You should make an effort to be here. Not a forgotten promise.”

oop-

I try to remember that there was a time when it wasn’t like this. When my father was someone who loved us dearly—who put me, and even baby Oliver, first.

He’s never hit us, never physically hurt one of us. But his mere presence is enough to feel like someone is pressing down on my shoulders.

“I’m imagining you skating like Liam, since that’s all I have to go off.” There’s no stopping the grin that stretches across my mouth; as much as Liam loves to “play hockey,” he can barely keep his little legs underneath him.

The urge to tease and kiss away his despair is too great, and it will only end poorly for me.

but it couldn't hurt to try

“Are you all right, Rhys?” If it were my father asking, I wouldn’t hesitate to lie, but my mom has something that pulls the truth out of me no matter how deeply I try to bury it. “I’m trying to be.”

aww rhys

Getting into my routine won’t help; nothing will. Except for a pair of gray eyes and a flirty smile.

hehehe

Does he see a stranger where he once saw a twin?

“Me? Flirting with the hot hockey player who keeps showing up in my space?” Sadie smirks down at me, pulling one of the earbuds out of her ear, the cord dangling in her hand. “I’d be stupid not to.”

girl i'm blushing for him

“Is this helping?” I ask as José González’s gentle strums echo in our ears.

picking a song called heartbeats is chef's kiss (love this song)

“Can I get a coffee?” I smile, but heat crawls up my spine. “All out.” “Out of coffee at seven thirty in the morning?” “Unfortunately,”

he missed the 7:29 rush

His laugh bursts out, beautiful and tinged with the boyish vulnerability of a kid talking to his school crush.

FIRST RHYS ACTUAL LAUGH Y'ALL

It would be so easy to kiss him. The boy is a hazard to my personal boundaries and health.

*palpatine's voice* do it

“I’m only thinking about how obnoxious it is to spell ‘Reece’ like that. God, could he be more cliché?”

not his fault but real

God, had I been that far gone last semester? Yes. I can hear Coach Kelley’s voice invading my thoughts, telling me exactly how absent I’d been, how much of a letdown both my programs had been at the finals.

rude tf- fully valid crashout

“I mean, hockey boy and figure—” “Nope,”

but yeah

Have I been so empty, even with them?

yes, yes you have

Relief blares through me so quickly, I nearly join her in lying on the ice.

bro is already cooked

“Have you? An ass girl?” She stops and smiles. “Not particularly. But I’ve heard lots about hockey players having giant—” I clap my hand over her mouth, pushing into her and sending us both lightly into the boards.

i cannot with these two

“You ever gonna tell me why I keep pulling your big, handsome ass off the ice?” I smirk. “So you have been checking out my ass.”

cuteee- but answer the question

“I don’t ask about your shit, you don’t ask about mine. We share the ice—” “And music,” I butt in. “And music.” She laughs and my chest feels lighter. “But that’s all. Nothing else, just… partners.”

cause those types of agreements always work out

“But one time when we were all playing sharks and minnows, I heard them talking about Sadie.”

oliver is valid i don't need to hear more

“Don’t touch me, asshole.” I blow out a breath. Jesus, this kid.

"i'm not a violent dog, i don't know why i bite"

Crumbs. I’ll eat every last one.

oh i know you will

I can tell she’s in need of settling when she plays Phoebe Bridgers,

i love her more

There’s a picture of a very sad-looking beagle spread flat on the floor with a party hat on his head. Across it in sparkly letters, the name of the playlist is bright. “Sadie’s Songs for Reece’s Sad Demon Brain,”

this is my kind of love language

“You spelled Rhys wrong.” “Your parents spelled your name wrong on the birth certificate.

Digging a second set of AirPods from my pocket—a gift I’d been working up the nerve to give to her for nearly a week, I slip them into her ears and gently let her go.

don't mind me i'm just gonna COMBUST over here

She stops there, but the unspoken words are just as loud. The look in her eyes says I wanted to help, and this is all I have and I see you.

agreement my ass SPILL

“So who’s the girl?” I choke on the gulp of water in my mouth, coughing repeatedly as my mother—the traitor—laughs and waits for me to regain my composure. “What are you talking about?” “Clearly there’s a girl.”

she's your mother and she's not stupid

A full-body cringe rolls through me at even the mention of prom, and I shove the memories back behind the brick wall in my brain.

i'll be waiting for the time we tell the prom story

Liam sings every word at the top of his lungs from his car seat, and although I don’t know where his ABBA obsession came from, I’ve definitely encouraged it.

I’d never skate again if it meant an endless supply of nights like this for my brothers.

aww sadie

“Spend-the-night party?” “Yeah,” I breathe out, pushing his hair back off his little freckled face. “Are you okay, bug?” “Yeah… Is that weird lady gone?” “Yeah. She’s not coming back.”

baby liammm

“Do you think, maybe, one day I’ll have a mommy?” My heart hurts. “Maybe one day, bug.”

I wonder if I could convince her to She’s the Man herself onto the men’s hockey team so I never have to be on the ice without her.

crazy business

“My therapist tells me to think of three things you can hear, three things you can see, and three things you can feel.”

THIS IS YOU WITH THERAPY?

And without thinking, I drop a kiss to her forehead and pick up my gear bag, turning to leave the room before I can consider how ridiculous that move might have been.

ridiculous or adorable and caring

“Thanks for the food. I think I was just hungry.” I don’t think it’s that simple at all.

you'd be correct rhys

I’m great at listening. If you want to talk about anything.” Especially the part about getting laid.

hehe

“I just need to work out my stuff… get laid, you know. Athletes do it all the time.” “I don’t,” I blurt out,

bro said don't include me in that narrative lol

“For the record,” I say, looking out along the lake, across all the life around us. “I am offering.” She’s silent. Smiling and shaking her head, she avoids every ounce of the eye contact I’m directing toward her. But I can’t bring myself to regret it.

what's the worst that can happen

And yet, I’m hesitating. And a stupid pair of brown eyes are taking over my entire brain.

YASSS RHYS IS LIVING RENT FREE UP THERE

You can’t touch him. Stop it.

said who? get in there

“I thought you liked savory over sweet.” “I like anything when it comes to you,” he confesses, and my heart clenches.

if you don't take your man i swear to god

It isn’t slow, just a hitch of my breath before I shove myself into him, lips meeting his with no hesitation, only need.

FINALLY

“Is this what you want?” he breathes out, voice raspy, as he gazes up at me with half-lidded eyes. I reach out for him, but he catches my wrist and holds it. “Tell me.”

consent has never been sexier

You can’t help anyone. You’ll just mess them up forever.

GIRL WHAT THE HELL

An irrational flare of jealousy has my spine straightening before I sit far away from the both of them on the bench, slamming my bag down with more force than necessary.

YOU JUST DID A KISS AND RUN AND YOU'RE JEALOUS?!?