Unsteady

by Peyton Corinne

But I’ve been through this before, and as much as I want to use her to push away the darkness, I want to love her more. So I close my eyes and remind myself that I’m okay. I’m healing.

“I want you in my jersey, too.” She ignores me, still examining every piece of my exposed skin, then flickering her gaze between my eyes. “You’re okay?” I whisper, “I’m perfect, baby.”

She is perfect, and I want her to know how deeply my feelings run. I’d put a ring on her finger if it wouldn’t terrify her. I know she won’t run from me now, but I’m prepared for the strength it’ll take in the future.

where else would I be but with her?

“I’m not gonna leave her, Oliver. Never, okay? She may ask me to go one day, but I will never be the one to leave. Not her, or your brother, or you. Tell me you understand that.”

I’m completely in love with her.

Loathing, self-hatred. If you feed them enough, they grow like irremovable vines. Mine grew thorns and wrapped around me as a kid, and no one has ever bothered to try to get in.

“I love you. I love everything about you. I love your anger and your snark. I love the way you skate—like you’re full of fire. It makes me remember when I fell in love with hockey. I love how you take care of your brothers, how you protect and love Ro. I love the way you get that frustrated-confused look on your face—the same one you have right now—with the little divot between your brows.”

“And nothing—no dark part of you, or your life—will ever change that. So, like I told Oliver, if you don’t want me anymore, that’s something I’ll have to deal with. But there will never be a day that I do not want you.”

“You don’t need to say anything right now, okay? I can love you enough for the both of us.”

Rhys Koteskiy could never be confined to just one song—he’s a symphony, a never-ending playlist that I want to repeat forever.

And I see it then: the reason Rhys loves me the way he does. The reason he cares for the boys and wants to keep us close. It’s because he’s seen this his whole life. Has been surrounded by love. Loving me, loving my brothers—it’s easy for him.

“Say it again,” he demands. “I love you.” “Good girl,”