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“If he sees you panicking, it’s gonna make him feel worse. Sit. Down.”
yes sirrr
She’s perfect. I can feel a little hint of anger rolling off her and it’s intoxicating. She’s intoxicating. Sadie Gray is my fucking girlfriend now. I want to shout it so that my dad, the trainers—hell, the whole building—can hear me.
“You scared me,” she cries, angry and sad, and so beautiful it hurts. “You were just lying there and I-I couldn’t tell if you were okay or alive—”
“You look so fucking perfect, Gray. I like the jacket.”
“You’re okay?” I whisper, “I’m perfect, baby.”
I grip her chin with a growl and lean down to kiss her softly. “Whatever my girlfriend wants, she gets.”
“You’re so beautiful,” I say, pressing my finger to her cheek tenderly. “So fucking perfect. God, seeing you like this—”
“Don’t be a brat.” I chuckle. “Just tell me what you want. I’ll give you anything.”
“I want to make you feel good, because you always make me feel good. And you’re not going to control it, okay? You’re just going to lie back.” She leans forward, pressing her bare chest to mine. “Relax,” she drags out, nipping and licking my ear. “And let me take care of you.”
I’m overwhelmed with that feeling again—the desire to keep her here, protected and safe and mine—until I’m biting down on my tongue, desperate to shove the I love you, I love you, I love you back down my throat.
I’m completely in love with her.
It isn’t until she’s fast asleep, drained but so beautiful, that I whisper, “I’ll never leave you. Happy birthday, Sadie.”
“I love you,” I mouth, pressing the words into the skin of her forehead, hoping that somehow, she hears them. Somehow, she knows.
I raise my hand to stop the slight panic I can hear creeping into his voice. “I’ll get it, okay?” “What if he fights with you?” I smile, all disarming charm. “C’mon, Ollie—look at me.” “I just don’t want this to be why you leave.”
Another punch to the stomach. Another reason I’m planning to never let these kids out of my sight again. I’d marry Sadie tomorrow if it meant it got them out of this damn house. Who am I kidding? I’d marry Sadie tomorrow. Period. No stipulations.
I want him to leave, I need him to— He grabs the tiny broom and pan hanging off the wall, and starts to sweep up the glass, on his knees in front of me.
He shakes his head before finally looking up at me, all dark chocolate eyes and a stern expression I rarely see from him. “No. I’m not going fucking anywhere. Not now, not ever. We’re going to talk about it once this is dealt with. Now…” He shudders out a breath and rolls his massive, muscular shoulders. “I’m going to clean this glass up, because if you cut your fucking foot in here—even a goddamn nick—I don’t think I will be able to hold back from kicking his face in, okay?”
“I don’t know what I’m going to have to do to prove to you and Oliver that I’m not leaving—and honestly, I don’t care what it is, I’ll do it.”
And if I see that, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop myself from confronting him.
“I thought you were broken like me,” I whisper, the words pouring out. “But you’re not. You’re… Rhys, you’re amazing. You’re everything to the people around you, even the ones who don’t know you. Out there? On campus or on the ice? You’re a shooting star. Fucking golden. And you might’ve been hurting when you met me, but… you’re getting better. And my life is going to be like this for a long time. “Like—I’m in the middle of trying to win custody of the boys, trying to graduate early this semester so I can get a job and prove to a bunch of adults that I’m enough to take care of Oliver and Liam,
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I selfishly want him, always, no matter that I’ll always be pulling him down or holding him back.
“I’m gonna say something now, Gray. And I need you to hear me. Really hear me, okay?” I nod. “I love you,” he says, and he’s smiling—both dimples glinting. As if I didn’t just spill the mess of my life, first about my mother, then my drunk father trying to attack him—and now with my speech about how terrible it is for him to have me in his life.
“I love you. I love everything about you. I love your anger and your snark. I love the way you skate—like you’re full of fire. It makes me remember when I fell in love with hockey. I love how you take care of your brothers, how you protect and love Ro. I love the way you get that frustrated-confused look on your face—the same one you have right now—with the little divot between your brows.”
“And nothing—no dark part of you, or your life—will ever change that. So, like I told Oliver, if you don’t want me anymore, that’s something I’ll have to deal with. But there will never be a day that I do not want you.”
“You don’t need to say anything right now, okay? I can love you enough for the both of us.”
“For now, kotyonok.” “You ever gonna tell me what that word means?” “Maybe one day,” he
But his face is so open, every muscle relaxed, and I do believe him. That he loves me.
Rhys Koteskiy could never be confined to just one song—he’s a symphony, a never-ending playlist that I want to repeat forever.
He’s burned into me, I think, like a brand. I’ll never recover from him.
“I love you.”
“No apologies, Gray.” He kisses down my neck. “Never apologies with you. I love you so much. I love you.”
“But, um, your brothers, I think? Liam and Oliver? They were in the car with him. And you’re listed after your father as next of kin.”
“Calm yourself down if you want to speak to her,” she demands, keeping her voice semi-quiet but firm. “You need to calm down either way.”
YEAHHHH GET HIMMMM
“I know you are, Trouble. But let me handle this, okay? For my own stupid male pride
Because Rhys loves me, but he thinks I can be better, can heal. Will he love me when he realizes that this thing I am is all I will ever be?
makes you think you could help any of us when you can barely help yourself?” It stings, but I can take it. Because I know she doesn’t mean it. I can see it in the sobs wracking her body, the tears running down her cheeks, the way her hand moves to almost cup her mouth. As if she’s in shock about what she just said.
“I know,” she cuts me off, and a niggle of fear roots itself in my chest. Her anger, I can take. I’m ready for it. This… whatever this is, it scares me. “But I think… I think we need to slow down.”
If you need some space and some time, need to move a little slower, fine. I’ll give you that. But you will not be alone. Okay?” “Okay,” she agrees, tears finally falling from her beautiful eyes.
“I’ll be here for whatever you need.” Even if it’s not me
“I’m here for all of you, okay? I love you.” My eyes flick to the rearview mirror and lock with Oliver’s. “I love all of you.”
“Love you,” she repeats. “And thank you, hotshot. Now go kick their asses.”
“I’m so proud of you,” I whisper. “I know it takes a lot for you to ask for help. But I’m so proud.”
“She said yes!” at the top of his lungs before hoisting me into the air with a yelp. And while Oliver smiles and claps, and Liam howls like a little wolf, I stare right down into the eyes of my golden boy, whose sad eyes aren’t sad anymore. And if I have anything to do with it, they never will be again.
