We Solve Murders (We Solve Murders, #1)

by Richard Osman

Because if you don’t feel loved, it’s difficult to feel anything at all.

If you have any sort

of personality, someone will eventually want to kill you.

Tick-Tock,

Tock, Death O’Clock

“Debs, I’m on a private jet. There’s a

gold toilet, and cocaine, but no crisps. Anyway, no doubt we’ll crash, but, if not, let’s chat later. Love you, babe.”

doesn’t need a bored man with a gun questioning why he’s only packed three pairs of underpants.

It all happened quickly, as ambushes are wont to do. The moment they had stepped into

Bluff Point, the young man in the Coldplay T-shirt stepped up behind them, with his gun raised,

Y...

never get this sort of thing from someone in a Van Halen T-shirt, thought Steve, before being ordered t...

“Okay,” says Nelson. “Here is my problem. I have been offered a lot of money to kill one of you.”

“But,” continues Nelson, “I don’t know which one of you I’m supposed to kill.”

“Sorry, you want our help?” says Amy. “Here is the information I have,” says Nelson. “ ‘Rosie D’Antonio is

coming to the island, and you must not, under any circumstances, kill her.’ ” “Yessss!” says Rosie. “Right,” says Steve, and looks

at Amy. Steve can see Rosie sawing at the cable ties binding her hands with her nails. Five hundred dollars, she ...

Time to see if it was money well spent. “But he said that Mrs. D’Antonio—” “Miss D’Antonio,...

“That Miss D’Antonio would be with somebody, and that he would like that person k...

“And now two of you are here,” says Nelson. “So you see my problem, I think? Who do I kill?” Aga...

looking for an answer. “Both of them would be the obvious answer,” says Rosie. “Wouldn’t you think?” ...

glance. Amy doesn’t react. “I think you are right,” says Nelson. “I’ll only get paid once, but it...

“Problem solved,” sa...

“Ah but…” says Rosie. Phew, thinks Steve. “…what would you do with me afterward? You see, you’ve

been expressly forbidden from killing me, and yet I will know that you killed my friends, and I will, of course, hunt you down and have you tortured and

then murdered. I am fabulously wealthy and I thr...

“Have you ever shot anyone before?” Rosie asks Steve, while snapping through Amy’s cable ties.

“No,” says Steve. “But the Coldplay T-shirt made it easier.”

Now Max is killing the helicopter pilot, so one assumes that

he is a qualified pilot also.

Adam pauses the film. Max is kicking a hole in the windscreen of the helicopter, for no reason that Adam can

fathom.

Adam looks at his laptop. There is literally

nothing to be gained by kicking a hole in the windscreen of that helicopter.

He googles

the prison, while Max Highfield rides a snowmobile over a waterfall.

My God, love is a wonderful, but also sickening, thing.

“You know, when I see an ex-cop, a celebrity, a bodyguard, and a Dutch guy, I smell money.”

It’s not every daughter-in-law who will high-five you when you’ve shot a drug dealer in a Coldplay T-shirt, is it?

“A Cat Called Trouble