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The offhanded inquiries about the details of her DNA makeup, her nationality, her place of birth, the texture of her hair, and if it was really hers. Then there were the acquaintances at Wyatt’s dinner parties who inquired about the color of her eyes and how she’d come by them and what or who she’d been crossed with. Then came the questions about her parentage, and her parents’ parentage, because those same acquaintances now wondered if the parents of her parents had eyes the same muddy hazel as hers.
We find out a few pages later that she's a Black girl from South Carolina. I would think people even in Colorado would know what that is. Seems weird of the author to not explain.
“It’s the most amazing building. The spirit of communist antiquity quite literally made concrete.
Sophia had transferred into the University of Colorado just after Wyatt joined the faculty. Sophia was married, but her husband often traveled for work and wasn’t around much, so in their early days in Denver, Sophia was a constant presence.
He had the kind of startling charisma she had always coveted, a certain thrall that drew people like moths to light and made everyone want to be known and loved by him.
thrall isn't the right word here. Thrall originally is norse for "slave"; to be "in thrall" is to be subordinated or overpowered. The author wants 'draw' or 'power' or some such.
“This is a representative from Drayton College.” The voice on the line was a combination of every voice of everyone that Lennon had ever known speaking together at once. A horrid and familiar chorus—her mother, her sister and first therapist, her high school boyfriend, her dead grandmother. “We’re calling to congratulate you on your acceptance to the interview stage of your admission process. You should be very proud. Few make it this far. Your interview will take place tomorrow, at your earliest convenience.”
“And yet you must eat,” he said, waving her off. “You can’t interview on an empty stomach. Besides, you’ll need it for the pain.” “I’m not in any pain.” “It’ll come,” said Benedict, and a sharp chill slit down her spine like the blade of a razor.
“Yours was the only Black family within your neighborhood, a half-built subdivision that went under in the last recession.
Only now do we find it out.
I’m of a mind that the difficult questions should always be asked, whether they can be answered or not. Do you agree?” “Yes. At least I want to.”
A thin boy, who Lennon later discovered was a math prodigy from Iceland who’d bagged his first PhD in number theory at just sixteen,
oh no. Not the dreaded literary trope of the multiple PhDs. This is a line that hits differently for people with academic backgrounds, who know that multiple PhDs is a sign of dilettantism, not achievement. Normally schools won't let you get a second PhD unless something went very wrong. You should be doing a postdoc instead.
They stood in a line, shoulder to shoulder, unsmiling, like soldiers disguised as schoolboys. All of them were white except for one boy—fair-skinned with brown curls—who stood at the far end of the line, just apart from the others. Unlike his peers, he wore no uniform. His shirt—several sizes too large—looked moth-eaten, and his feet were bare.
From Allison, Lennon learned that Drayton’s approach to housing was rather old-fashioned in that each of its colleges (except one) were separated by gender. Those who fell between (there were several genderqueer students among their cohort) were allowed to select the housing they felt most comfortable with.
Ethos, Pathos, and Logos, named after Socrates’s three rhetorical appeals.
I believe these are Aristotle and not Socrates.
As part of our admissions agreement, we ask for a minimum of two consecutive years, during which time you will study here on Drayton’s campus, under the tutelage of some of the brightest academics in the Western Hemisphere, who will personally oversee your studies.
She was taken with him, she could admit that to herself, and she observed—with an almost clinical detachment—the familiar rhythms of her attraction: the fluttering in the pit of the stomach, a feeling like static in the fingers, a pull toward what she knew she couldn’t have, which made her desire all the more intense. But as Lennon examined the sensation of that attraction, she became aware too that she was afraid of him, terribly afraid without really knowing why.
“Lennon please…” he said, the high-pitched, tear-choked wheedling of a child. A little boy. And she saw then, for the first time, how pathetic he was. Before Drayton, Lennon used to believe that their relationship was a credit to Wyatt—his brilliance and charm, his intellect and singularity. But now she realized it was a credit to her, and her desire to prove to herself that she was worth loving. But no more.
“There will always be someone who will use the power they have to hurt those who don’t deserve it. That’s why it’s important that people like you become competent enough to stand between them and those they’d otherwise harm. To let your scruples get in the way of that vital work is cowardice.
“They’re rodents, for fuck’s sake,” said Ian. “They can’t think past eating and shitting. We’re practically gods to them.”
This rings false to anybody who has ever had or seen pet rats or mice. They are social animals! And pretty smart.
I was nothing back home. I’m not a college dropout; I wasn’t even good enough to get in. Didn’t even bother to apply. I worked at a fucking convenience store and probably would have until I drank myself into liver failure or found some other way to kill myself. I was nothing to no one. But here things are different. You know what I mean?”
Dante caught her by the chin, tilted her head slightly downward, so they were staring at each other eye to eye. “This school, this place is not what you think it is. It’s not a haven or a refuge. And what is about to happen next is going to be ugly. So I’ll need you to keep a cool head.”
“You’re still trying to talk me out of my moral qualms?” “It’ll make the rest easier,” said Dante. “You’ll deal with so much during your studies—neurosis, exhaustion, frustration, burnout, despair—why add guilt to the mix?” “I can’t help it,” said Lennon with a shrug. “Symptom of a functioning conscience.” Dante gave her a wry smile.
“An apprentice is someone who’s actually going to be something someday. Something more than the average student at Drayton. A professor like myself typically has only one, maybe two, apprentices in a lifetime. That’s because, as my apprentice, Claude will take up my tenure. This house and everything in it will become his. He’ll be tasked with protecting this gate and by proxy one of the few entrances to Drayton itself. He will, in essence, become me. In choosing him as my apprentice, I’ve chosen my successor.”
They have a real weird tenure system.
“What level of constant pain warrants a moral euthanasia?” “Agony.” “And how would you define ‘agony’?” “I don’t like this line of questioning.” “No one does,” said Dante. “But when you hold the power of life and death, it’s important that you produce answers. If only to quiet your own conscience.”
Blaine stared down at her hands. “I’m loath to agree with Ian on anything, but what if he’s right? What if this is a bad idea?” “Jesus Christ,” said Lennon, “when did you all become such prudes?”
Latest update is that he’s been sent off campus for surgery.” “Oh my god.” A wave of guilt washed over her. “I have to go to him—” “No, you don’t,” said Kieran, biting down on a toast point with a satisfying crunch. He spewed crumbs when he spoke again. “He knew the game he was playing. You won, he lost. Let it go. He wasn’t good enough, and that’s why you’re here and he’s not.” “Ian is the best in our class.”
Clearly not the best since he lost.
Good for you. You earned that bed.” “I don’t feel like it,” said Lennon. “I betrayed a friend to win it.” “Even better,” said Benedict. “You’ll appreciate it more now that you’ve sacrificed your own virtues to get it. The victory will be all the sweeter—you’ll see.”
Why don't any of these people object to the game?
He stood up, rather abruptly, and began to cut thick squares of gauze, which he pressed into the open wounds to staunch the last of the bleeding. Then he wrapped bandages tightly around both of her knees. “I’m going to have a word with Benedict, all right? It’s going to be okay.” The tears came again then, blurring her vision so badly she could barely see Dante crouching at her feet. “I don’t want to be expelled. I want to stay here. This is the only thing I’ve ever been good at, and I just—” “Hey,” said Dante, and he took her by the hand, squeezed her fingers. “I won’t let that happen. I
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this feels jarringly out of character.
“The beginning isn’t the interesting part, though. It’s what comes after. You probably know that too. You have to come up with who you are and prove it to a person who already knows themselves because they’ve had all these years to figure that out. But it’s unfair because you haven’t yet and then you’re trying to catch up to them. The whole time you’re hoping you don’t fuck it up and become less precocious and, in doing so, unfuckable. That’s a real risk when you get older. The expectations are higher when you’re not young anymore. You go from unusually bright to just…pretty smart, or not dumb
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“At some schools, if you donate a library, you’ll get a box seat at the stadium and an admissions guarantee for your kids, among a number of other perks. At Drayton, a sizable donation could be rewarded with a cabinet seat or a congressional hearing, a sympathetic judge, a ceasefire.” “That’s unethical.” “Everything pertaining to politics and business is.
Drayton will teach you how to kill it. But the catch is that it doesn’t stay dead. Every day for the rest of your life you will wake up and wrap your hands around that thing’s throat and strangle it. Or it will strangle you.” Dante delivered this indictment with his eyes locked on the TV in a dead-eyed, thousand-yard stare. “But this is true both of those who use persuasion and those who don’t. Every one of us harbors a facet of ourselves that wants, desperately, to destroy us. A part of us that longs for our own annihilation. It tells you to jump when you stand beside a tall drop-off. It
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There was a bearded man seated at the bartop who scowled at both Lennon and Dante when they entered. They were the only two Black people in the restaurant, if not the entirety of the town, and had been drawing glances (some of them nasty) ever since they’d arrived.
is this the first we hear about Dante's ethnicity?
“He said he was going to kill him,” Claude whispered. “Dante said to Benedict that one day, someday soon, he was going to fucking kill him. He said it would be August all over again.” “August? What happened in August?”
Lennon stared down in awe and horror. It was an entire life flattened and put on paper. It felt wrong to even look at it.
All I gathered was that the redacted files are kept in the vice-chancellor’s private library. She’s the only one who has access to them.”
There was a bath en suite, its door just ajar, and it was there that Lennon and Sawyer found Claude, fully clothed and chest-deep in a steaming bathtub, smoking.
Why clothed?
And not just for him, but for everyone who is beginning to grasp what I’ve known since the day we first met.” “And what is that?” “You’re dangerous.” Dante was one of many men who’d said this to her. The first time she’d heard it, she was thirteen, and walking home from school. A man had winked at her and said just that—“Well, aren’t you dangerous”—and men had been saying that to her ever since. When they said dangerous, Lennon knew they meant she was jailbait, a guilty pleasure, a potential homewrecker, someone who could derail their life. But Dante said it differently, without smugness or
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A talented persuasionist, Dr. Nave was able to refit the roots of the tooth and constrict her gums tightly around it, both stopping the bleeding and holding the tooth roughly in place. It would’ve been almost agonizing, but he numbed her mind to the pain of the procedure, kept her comfortable.
Why not just use novocaine?
And why not do this for other injuries??
“What’s stopping you?” said Lennon. “From liking me in a way that you shouldn’t?” “We’re too similar,” said Blaine. “If we ever got together, it would be more out of comfort and narcissism than any real attraction. Which is not to say you’re unattractive, because you’re not, of course—”
I think this dynamic is just left to dangle.
“Oh, he’s alive. I think he lives in a care facility now. Somewhere. So it all worked out. I think that brick might’ve saved him from drinking himself into an early grave.” She said this like the brick just up and hit him itself, like the situation had no affiliation with her.
Lennon often found that when she went out, there was a moment when the night went south, when whatever horrible outcome had been set into motion and the evening was doomed to end with her vomiting all over a curb or waking up beside someone who was about three times uglier than she’d thought he was when she was drunk. This was that moment.
Comprised of both written and combat portions, the final exam would take place over a four-hour class period that culminated with a pass-or-fail sparring match. Unless you scored almost perfectly on the written portion of the exam, it was almost impossible to pass the class if you lost your spar.
What happens to the nearly-half the students who fail?
“His life isn’t worth half as much as yours is.” “He was brilliant.” “And possessive and unhinged, and he would’ve been a thorn in your side for as long as he was alive to hurt you.” Dante pressed to his feet, dropping her hand. “You did what you needed to do.”
I mean yes he did try to kill her and it plainly was self defense.
My Dearest Dante, This moth reminded me of you. I know that this has not been an easy summer. But I so appreciate the work that you do. I think of you often. Stay the course. With love, Eileen
Your mental health history was also a point of concern, as was your past promiscuity. In general, the school’s opinion is that you’re chaotic, unreliable—”
I cannot believe a school of power-hungry sociopaths would fuss about casual sex.
It was an intimate way of learning that felt a lot like Dante was holding her by the hand, guiding her through the metaphorical library of his vast knowledge.
He's young tho. Only a few years older than her. Too young to give that vibe.
The situation grew untenable, as I knew it would, and so I was forced to make a decision. I confided in the only person who could see what I saw. A person who knew August well, who had his trust and through that trust the ability to stop him.” “Dante,” said Lennon. Benedict nodded. “He was the only one who could do it. I asked him to make it seem like a suicide and to make it as painless as he could. It broke his heart, but he knew he had to do it. And then he did.”
He _did_ have to do it and so I don't see why he'd be so broken up about it.
“Ease into it. I promise it won’t be so bad. People make a big deal out of these things, but the reality is that our bodies are made to do this. It’s the most natural thing in the world. Surrender to it and it’ll be just like sleep. Better, even.”
“Who is he?” said Lennon, staring at the man on the bed. “This is William,” she said. “Our chancellor and gatekeeper.” Another one of William’s bones broke with an audible pop. He writhed, and Lennon was surprised he even had the strength to do that, given how gaunt he was.
“I was in love with him,” said Nadine, as though she hadn’t even heard her. “I’d been in love with him. I loved him even when you used him as a good lay and then cast him aside the moment that you found a better bet with Dante. I didn’t want to let myself feel that way for anyone, but I did, despite my faith, despite everything. I sacrificed so much to feel that. And the moment I was brave enough to admit it, to let myself love him, the moment I won him over, you had to take him for yourself. If you couldn’t have him, then no one could—”
