Perfect Fit: A Novel

by Clare Gilmore

just as my heart stalls out and revs back to life at the idea that I have come up in conversations he was part of.

Will laughs deeply. It reverberates around the car, spreading out like it plans to stay once he’s gone.

Relief and regret flood me in equal doses.

I should give all three of us more credit for how much we’ve grown up.

Every time I make him battle a smile, I add a tally mark in my head.

I push it all down, tell myself those facts aren’t mine to know.

My heart seems to skitter instead of beating.

And for some reason, I think I have Will Grant to thank for the quiet of this day, too.

I roll out my neck, eyes trained on the packet, while I try to convince myself that competency shouldn’t be this much of a turn-on.

But my heart escalates into a rapid thrum, pleased without my permission.

I once thought of him as a mistake. Now he’s been repackaged in my head as a missed opportunity.

It isn’t based on a desire to be the prettiest person in the room. Only a desire to be the most put together.

Anxiety equals productivity. You’re panicking? Do something.

If only I were biologically capable of caring less about perception.

I want better for you than me.”

“Do you wish that would have happened?” Leonie asks. “No,” I admit. “No, I wouldn’t change a thing about the past. Only, possibly, the future.”

When you find the right person, your brain moves past wanting to have it all. Instead, you start to think about how you can have as much as possible with each other.”

And I love that you’ve made mistakes, and that you shared them with me, so I don’t feel alone with mine.