For She Is Wrath

by Emily Varga

“Did you think I wouldn’t know you? I’d know you with any face. Any skin. Any hair. A thousand djinn could disguise you from me and I’d still be able to find you just by the sound of your breath.”

“Help me,” she begged, fear lacing her voice. “Get it out of me.” I wet my lips with my tongue, trying to tell her with the right words. That I wanted to try, but it would take all of me. “I can’t.” “What?” “It’s too much. I can’t save you without destroying myself.” She coughed, black liquid spilling from her throat onto the date palm mat. “You won’t even try for the last of your family?” She gripped her stomach. “Help me!” she screamed. I hesitated. “I don’t owe you this,” I said finally. “I don’t owe you all of me. Not after what you did. Perhaps not ever. And if you loved me, you would never ask it.”

I knelt down beside her, bringing my voice low, almost indiscernible. “This isn’t revenge. This is cause and effect.”

“I can’t help you, Nanu. Not at the cost of myself.”

“You may not want revenge anymore, but don’t give him any more of yourself. If he wants death, let him have it. Don’t let his actions…” I cleared my throat, saying these words to myself as well as Maz, thinking of how I felt about my grandmother, and the lives she had ruined. “Don’t let his actions destroy your life. You may have given him forgiveness, but that doesn’t mean you owe him kindness.”