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To all the black girls who grew up in the era of love triangles and cheesy rom-coms and never got to see themselves. This one’s for you.
Sometimes we take chances on people and lose. You still have to play the game.”
“Unless you want to borrow mine. My stuff looks good on you.” I wave him off. Flirting is a part of Rivers’ personality and I’ve learned not to take it seriously.
“You’re the easiest person to love. There’s no way he doesn’t regret it.
“I’m not mad. I just learned not to let you go again.” He brushes sand from my hair, “I’m just saying he mishandled you in ways that will never make sense to me.”
“If we’re being honest, I made Javi who he is today. Some men are good at that. They know which women they can suck dry until they don’t need them anymore.”
“I have no reason to pretend to be anything other than who I am. People are obsessed with pushing a narrative and turning it into something bigger than it was.”
“I want some control back. If people are going to talk anyway, I might as well give them a show.”
“I can never not pay attention to you.” He runs his hands through his hair and his jaw sets into a hard line. He moves closer, grabbing my forearm and pulling me toward him. “Seeing you with Kade drives me crazy.” That familiar fire dances along my skin at his touch. “Why?” “Why do you think?”
“It’s not just Kade. I don’t want you with anyone else.” His eyes don’t waver from mine. “Why River? I need to hear you say why.” “Because when you were with Javi I thought I’d lost you for good. Because when he fumbled I was angry for you but happy for me. Because when I see you with Kade, see the way he watches you and the way he hovers around you. I want to lose control. I want to shut this entire fucking show down to keep him away from you.” He closes the distance between us and places his hands on either side of my face. “Because I think you belong with me.”
“I enjoy taking care of you.”
as if cute even begins to describe you—after
“My timing sucks, I know that. But I’ve done my waiting. I want you.”
“The next time he kisses you, remember how badly your body craves mine.”
River feels like home. Every time I’m near him I feel like I can breathe. Like it doesn’t matter what's happening in the world because I know he’s always got me, you know? River never makes me feel like I’m not enough. If anything, he makes me feel like the most valuable thing he’s ever held on to. When I’m with him, I’m constantly waiting on the other shoe to drop because it feels too right. How can someone be that perfect?”
“My problem is that I had to watch you walk out this door on his arm dressed like this.” His hand goes to my thigh, slipping underneath the skirt of my dress. He trails upward, bringing the flimsy material with him until he reaches the curve of my hips, the air’s cold against my skin. “I had to sit back, knowing he was going to have his hands on you.” His voice is thick and the pads of his fingers trail along the hem of my panties. “My problem is you not pushing him away and letting it happen.” His eyes bore into mine.
“I had it in my head since we were kids that you were mine. I’ve been in love with you since before I was old enough to know what love was.”
“You can’t put a meal in front of a starving man and then take it away.”
“No. I’ll never lose her. I never let her go to begin with.” “She should know that you like her.” River laughs and looks over his shoulder. “Like her? I’m in love with her, Ry.”
“You deserve so much more than what I can give you. Someone who wouldn’t be slow to act, and who would tell you he loves you from the moment he felt it. Someone who would never turn you away when you were brave enough to say it first, regardless of the reason.” He presses a kiss to my forehead, and it’s so soft, but I feel it with every fiber of my being. “Unfortunately, you’ll have to settle for me. I told you I'd never let you go, and I meant that.”
River tenses and I grab his arm and feel him relax at my touch.
“Having you in my arms will always feel like the first time.” He twines our fingers together and kisses the back of my hands. “I’ll give you as many first times as you need.” “How did I get so lucky?” I’m genuinely in awe of him. “I’m the lucky one. I can die a happy man knowing I’ve held even a small piece of your affection.”
“I’ve wanted to do this for so long, to make you mine—give you my last name and see our families come together.
because the one person I never want to lose taught me how to let go. Indigo Johnson, I don’t remember a time before you and I don’t want to know one after you. I want to grow old with my best friend and the woman I love.
