In an effort to impress 007, I jumped in the deep end before I had mastered a decent dog paddle and sank like a stone. I saw the reflections of people smoking and drinking from below, like an underwater Hockney painting, oblivious to my efforts to reach the surface. I was certain I would drown and not be found until Tuesday, when the pool man came. Suddenly, in one swift motion, a hand lifted me by the butt and placed me at the pool’s edge. “A wee bit early for the deep end, sonny,” said James Bond.
