Next of Kin (Next #1)

by Hannah Bonam-Young

“When did you start making your feelings smaller for other people’s benefit?” he asks, his narrowed eyes focused intently on me. My head involuntarily retracts, jarring my nose. Ow. “I—I wasn’t.” Shit, I might have been…but how does he know that?

Luke reminds me a lot of myself at his age. Eerily aware of the world around him and intent on keeping the peace—a skill children shouldn’t have to learn so young.

Why do men always think the farther they sit from the steering wheel, the cooler they are? Why are they a little right?

I toss the keys to Warren as we all exit the car, and he does a full loop around, scouring for any damage. I can’t even blame him—the fact that he let me borrow his car when I needed to is enough. He won major roommate points today. “Don’t check the front too closely. I did hit a few elderly people on my way out of the hospital’s parking lot.” “Mercy kills, really,” Warren replies flatly, his eyes creasing as he struggles to contain his amusement.

“When I came back from the washroom, it sort of seemed like I was interrupting something? A moment?” “A moment? Oh, no, not at all, no!” The lady doth protest too much. “Okay. I’d rather know now than later. I’ve had roommates before who linked up. It can get kinda intense when you’re under one roof.” “Oh, um. It’s nothing like that….” It’s everything like that.

“I could resist, try to swim out, try to avoid it—but it would be easier to float. And, for the first time, I’m not scared to.” Warren’s blue eyes look up, swirling with mixed emotion. Hopeful yet weary. “I’ve had a lot of people come and go in my life—most of those I was supposed to trust failed me.” His eyes close and hold a moment before he opens them. “I’d be an idiot to let myself get hurt. So I make judgments. I put people into boxes. I let my anger get the best of me and push them away. But you keep showing up. You seem to understand.”

“We can be friends…for now,” Warren says as he pulls his hand away. My foolish heart wants it back. “But you let me know when you’re ready for the real thing.” He leans in, close enough for me to feel his breath against my cheek. “I’m patient when I need to be, dove.”

“I don’t know what to say.” I pull my bottom lip between my teeth. He looks down to where my hands rest in my lap and moves quickly, pulling my wrists apart and holding them in his grasp. “Tell me to stay,” Warren says.

“I want to keep all of you,” Warren says, blue eyes pinning me to where I sit. He rubs both thumbs over my own. “I want to keep all of you too.”

“A drummer…” I mutter to myself, cheeks warming. He turns to me before the automatic barrier of the parking lot opens, grinning. “What, is that a fantasy of yours or something?” “Well, it is now.”

“Chloe, I could go on forever about how wrong I was. How incredible you are….” He clears his throat. “How much I love you.” I tense from surprise. He loves me. “You what?” I smile obnoxiously wide, and Warren lifts an eyebrow at me but can’t hide his enjoyment of my response. “I love you, Chloe.”

“You have got to take that shirt off.” He looks down at my body, leaned up close to him, and doesn’t let up his stare as I speak. “Never! Mine now!” I hold it at the hem, grinning as I go up on my toes to kiss him. “No, seriously, it does horrible things to my brain,” he whispers against my lips, grinning ear to ear. “Horrible?” “Truly despicable thoughts.”

“And that second wish?” Right, honesty time. “I wished the same thing…but about you.” Warren doesn’t pause or hesitate. He pulls away from me so he can look into my eyes. “Me too. I wished that this would be my last first date,” he says, and I melt into him.

“No,” he says adamantly, “up here.” I still, realizing what he actually wants me to do. “I don’t know. I haven’t—um, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” “Chloe, please. Don’t make me beg,” he says, but I still hesitate. Of course I want to…but so much of this is still new. I’m not delicate, or light, or— “Sit on my face. Now.”

“You’re it for me, dove. You’re going to be my last everything. My body knows that as much as the rest of me does. I’ve been aching for you for so long.”

“After Willow’s custody hearing…will you be changing her last name?” He bites down on his bottom lip as it curves upward on one side. “Yeah…I think so,” I answer, voice slightly hazy from fighting the need to sleep. “Do you want to change yours too?” he whispers, pressing his forehead into mine.

“You’re the most resilient, dedicated, and beautiful person I know. To know you is to love you, and I consider myself privileged to know you.”

I groan my disapproval into her empty pillow and inhale the scent of her flowery shampoo like I used to do in the shower before we officially began dating. Though the term dating never worked to sum up what we were. Teammates? Roommates? Co-parents? Inevitable?

inevitableeeee

I was carved from rage and built by heartache with a chip on my shoulder the size of Russia and an ocean of fears under a thinly veiled surface. Ready to explode at any given moment. Chloe’s lips tasted like a way out. Like fate. Like nothing—not my failures, my past, no amount of stacking regrets—would matter if I could just keep kissing her. So, I kept kissing her.

“You’re relentless.” She giggles. “Let me get you pregnant, woman,” I hum against her neck before nipping at her jaw.