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It was day thirty of my unplanned vacay in the A&R Space Facility. I would’ve preferred the Maldives—who wouldn’t?—but beggars couldn’t be choosers. Some people never got to leave their hometowns, and yet here I was. In space. Held against my will, sure, but I couldn’t really complain. The aliens hadn’t killed me yet, and I wasn’t in a cage, so… five-star service all round?
Kidnapping was supposed to be gross and violating, and while they had the latter down pat, this place was snug and spotlessly clean, almost clinical. Here I was, thinking the whole ‘existence of aliens’ was the oddest thing to happen to me, but they had to go ahead and prove me wrong with some soap and a mattress. A memory foam mattress. I burrowed farther into the cloud of bribery bedding, low-key hoping it would suffocate me.
I was resilient though, I could credit myself with that. Like a worm that had been chopped in half—never really the same again, but still managing to survive. After everything, I couldn’t tell whether it was a gift or a curse, but it meant I’d experienced some shit and learned when to be patient. Bide my time, wait for a miracle, and pray to fuck that they either killed me quickly or dropped me back on Earth. No current preference.
What if they kept me here and made me to do hard labor? Or worse… made me into a personal slave and forced me to massage the boss’s feet? My stomach roiled. That would be my living nightmare. I’d literally rather be killed. I could almost bet that wouldn’t happen, though. Not because it was a totally random and maybe slightly unhinged fear, but because while there were other humans around, being tested like I was, there weren’t any human workers—foot slaves or otherwise.
“Do you understand what we do at A&R?” “Can’t say that I’m familiar, no.” I shrugged. “I’m not trained in alien abduction, so I have no guesses either.” Alien dude spared me a glance over his monocle, a mocking smile tugging briefly at his lip. “Mh-hm.”
But hold on, “highest-achieving?” That didn’t make a lick of sense. I was as dumb as a box of rocks; there was no way they’d picked me from the bunch. Of course they hadn’t. I remembered the masked dudes who had brought me here, how they’d hesitated in that alley, cursing in their native language when I was the one left behind while my sister, the fucking vet, had escaped. She definitely would have been useful if fancy degrees and cleverness were the entry requirements. But I didn’t want to think about it. All it would take was picturing her face as they’d dragged me away—eyes filled with
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“Your case falls far outside those simple guidelines, and even our reject planets have standards—albeit, significantly lower than others—so careful deliberation had to be made. We never prepared for the unlikelihood of such a gross error in our system.” He leveled me with a condescending look. “Thanks to you, we will strive to be less negligent in future.” Shots fired.
“Taking your appearance and skill level into account, it has been decided that you would thrive best among the lee-zurd species on Yoo-suk.” “You… suck?” I repeated, and he nodded. “Oh, okay, cool, just wanted to be sure my brain hadn’t collapsed. Um, where exactly is—” “The planet of trade,” he added, a hint of smug delight in his otherwise droll tone. “It is the least civilized of the two—entirely without technology and indoor plumbing. You will have great difficulty lowering our IQ average from there.” “Oh, don’t hold back,” I deadpanned. “Tell the audience how you really feel.”
“I failed all your weird tests for God knows what, and after half a day of debate, you guys have decided I wouldn’t be a good fit for planet Fuck You—which, unsurprisingly, is a pleasure planet, but that’s not important. And since going back to Earth is obviously not in the cards, I’m being transported to a place called You Suck—and honestly, that name feels like a personal attack—to live among fucking lizard people.” I heaved in a deep breath, my voice an octave higher when I finally added, “Did I get all that right?” “Yes,” he said dryly. “Although, You Suck came into existence thousands of
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“The planet follows old traditions. Upon your delivery to You Suck, you will be passed to an escort who will march you through the clans, and bids will be placed for your permanent adoption.” And there was that word again, adoption, like we were a bunch of abandoned pets at a shelter. “Are you telling me that I’m actually going to be sent to market like a fucking pig?” “Of course not,” he droned without skipping a beat. “Pigs are useful creatures.”
I had no fear of flying, but whatever the hell that was didn’t qualify. The fact that I hadn’t thrown up all over the place was honestly a personal achievement, especially when the ship had barrel-rolled and two of my companions had started projectile vomiting. That had been fun—definitely an experience I wouldn’t forget—so much so that I almost let go of my last shred of self-respect and clapped when we finally landed in one piece.
They were all very tall, and very, very half-naked, with skimpy, furry ‘panties’ the only things covering their crown jewels. In all honesty, it was more for flourish, it seemed. A way to draw attention but not have everything flapping around in the wind since their bulges—massive bulges—were still pretty much visible. I’d changed my mind. Where the hell was that shark dude?
It was kinda exhilarating, I couldn’t lie. No one had ever looked at me as if they wanted to throw me down and treat me like a sleeve for their dick. Crying shame, really.
I held up my bound hands, shrugging, unbothered by their irritation, but not willing to die when I’d endured this far. “I needed to pee.” They glanced at each other, muttering, and I was about to act out taking a piss when Zaay-el sighed, nodding as if he understood. “Glad to have your approval,” I deadpanned, but instead of answering, he offered up his water skin.
“I’m Fiona,” she carried on. “The clan’s healer.” “Reuben,” I responded robotically, giving her a fake smile. “The newest abductee.”
“I was a nurse back home, and though I was highly skilled at my profession, those picky critters in the sorting center were after brain surgeons and rocket scientists, so they dumped me here.” She tutted, shaking her head in mock offense. “Luckily, this lot were in need of a healer.”
“You have no job,” she stated, shifting in her seat as I waited for the other shoe to drop. “You are the Great Leader’s mate.” And there it was. The other shoe. The whole fucking wardrobe. My brows were at my hairline. “A what now?”
You will be ‘married’ for life, since the connection is solidified through consummation and it is impossible—or near enough—to break.” I may have blanked out right around that point. “For lee-zurd, it’s an instinct they have, much like a lot of animals on Earth. Finding a mate is built into their DNA, and they cannot ignore the urge.” I hadn’t been far off with the ‘bed warmer’ expectation.
“I’m guessing this arrangement is nonnegotiable?” “I’m sorry.” She reached over the table, placing a hand on mine to stop me from hurting myself. “He is a stern leader, but he is fair. He will never harm you.” I rolled my eyes. “Oh, no, he just bought me and is forcing me to be his wife.”
I wasn’t hot enough to be a sex slave, so I might still have that in my favor.
Eventually, they both faced me, and Fiona was the one to speak. “She wants you to know that her brother is an irritating toerag, but will treat you well, and she cannot wait for you to be mated ’cause she’s always wanted another sibling.”
“Worth a shot. Guess arguing is out the window, too?” “You can try—I do love
“How are you, lovey?” I raised my dinky wooden cup—which was unfortunately sans alcohol—in salute. “Still abducted. Thanks for asking.”
Unfortunately for me, the being an uggo thing obviously didn’t deter the dude. Was he as touch starved as me, or did he have a thing for tattooed, underfed ex-drug addicts?
She lowered herself onto the furry blankets beside me, muttering something about the beds being too low for old dears like her, before resting a hand on my knee. It was just an innocent, friendly pat, and I didn’t mind her obvious tactileness—she was like my grandma—but for some reason, it set Voh-ack off. He snarled at her, a threatening sound if I’d ever heard one, and I tensed, preparing for a verbal brawl, but she just shot him a warning glare as a mother would her child. After all of three seconds, he backed down, huffing petulantly. I liked this woman.
My thoughts were broken up by a soft coo coming from Voh-ack, and the hand he tentatively curled around my nape. I frowned, but also melted into it. “What’s he saying?” “Nothing,” Fiona answered. “He’s using the only trick he knows to calm you. It’s a gesture they use to soothe their young.” Aaand now I felt bad for the guy.
“You can… you can probably go? I’m sorry. I think I’m okay now.” She studied me, doctor to patient, and she must’ve believed me, because she smiled, the creases around her eyes deepening. “I understand, lovey. Call if you need anything, and don’t let him get away with himself. You’re in charge here, not him.”
“Hurt?” I glanced up, stunned and mildly turned on by hearing Voh-ack’s gruff, smoky voice curl around my language.
“How did this happen?” I asked, probably being way too intrusive for our first date, but hey, he expected me to put out, so fair was fair.
And honestly, yee-haw for alien abduction ’cause jerking and sucking on lee-zurd popsicle was fucking fire.
The instant I had sensed his presence in my territory, that thrum of familiarity in my breast, I had doubted that an outlier could make a worthy soul-companion. I had been… hasty in that belief. Not one being in the entire galaxy could deny he was a prize, a delicious morsel—I would carve out their entrails if they disagreed—and now that his taste lingered on my lips, I hungered to consume.
He need not be shy around me. “Do not hide,” I murmured in the language he did not speak. “You are a divine creature, and no harm will come to you here.” I knew Roo-bin would not understand a word, but the tension in his frame loosened as if my voice and touch soothed him.
With the lack of technology, this place could be a much easier prison to escape. It’d be like shoplifting in a supermarket with no CCTV. Not that I had experience of that. All the stores had cameras nowadays.
I hauled myself out of my comfy pelt mountain and pulled on my new shirt, which I was pretty sure had doubled as a pirate’s nightgown in a past life. It was just a rectangle of soft, flowy fabric, hand-sewn at the cuffs and seams, but it covered more than the furry toga did and beat walking around half-naked.
On Earth, it would have been an entirely different story. There would be someone having a full-blown meltdown in the break room, another bitching about the team-building exercise booked outside work hours, and one more Googling the best sites to sell worn boxers and become a millionaire. It was tough going, but somehow, I’d managed to perform all three of those roles in my last place.
was great at running from my problems and giving head, but that only benefited the role I was protesting about.
The sooner I did, the quicker I’d have a task to keep myself occupied with. It would give me something to think about other than being on an alien planet as the personal fuckhole to a king.
Voh-ack had clearly taken the phrase ‘blow his back out’ literally.
“So, why is it still tender? Feels like I’m bruised from ass to throat.” She hummed in sympathy. “You are quite small in comparison, and it was your first time taking it. The aftereffects will get less and less over time.” “With regular use, right?” I deadpanned, and she smiled.
I didn’t know what to do. My options were woefully limited since screaming and hoping Knee-tar reached me in time was off the table. I’d seen the fuck-me eyes Eyk-layoo had fluttered at him, and for that reason alone, he would be as much use to me as a marzipan dildo right now.
I really was gonna die. I was gonna be torn apart by an alien-panther thing under a tentacle tree, on a planet a billion light-years away from my home.
Knee-tar sprinted over, hair in disarray, lips swollen and chest heaving. He looked thoroughly debauched, but one look at his bloody leader and I could see the oh, shit cross his face. And seriously?! I could’ve been to Earth and back. Was alien dick really that distracting? That was rhetorical.
The stupid fool could have been killed, but he didn’t think about that. Oh no, he just strolled in and saved the day, saved me, and now he was injured, and it was probably all my fault. Everything was always my fucking fault.
“You’re a dipshit,” I mumbled as I approached him, slotting between his spread legs—the best angle to clean the wound from. “Ridiculous alien.”
Vo’ak was at the head of the table in a slightly larger, throne-like seat as Zae’l stood at his side, looking bored. And I had been correct. My alien was manspreading. Christ, have mercy.
“Your pet name for me is cockroach? Are you kidding me?” I screeched, shoving once at his solid, unmovable, dumb chest. “You asshole. I came to say thank you and be all nicey-nice, but you’ve been over here, swinging your dick and mocking me this whole time?!” I jabbed a finger into his pec. “Fuck you, and fuck your smug, perfect face. I’m out.”
“Vo’ak,” he greeted, his voice such a low, grating timbre that it was almost inaudible. The tip of his spear crossed his body as he placed a fist to his heart and dipped his head in a gesture that I had become familiar with. It was a salute to their king. And to me, as his mate. “Raawk-nick,” Vo’ak acknowledged, voice impassive and formal. For a second, I wondered if there was beef that I didn’t know about, but then their faces split into twin, beaming grins and their massive bodies crashed together in an aggressive bear hug. No beef there then.
I casually observed the rest of the newbies mingling with the clan as the two head honchos continued to rib each other like immature schoolchildren. I was pretty sure Vo’ak even stuck his tongue out at one point, and that, ladies and gents, was the leader of an entire fucking planet right there.
and I hadn’t exactly been a social Sally back on Earth, but those guys looked closer to my age, and maybe it would be beneficial to get more human opinions on the whole abduction-slash-cattlemarket-slash-slave situation.
“Heya, hun,” Beatrice trilled, buzzing with way too much energy for that time of the morning. “Been dying to meet ya.” I lifted my hand in an awkward wave, suddenly forgetting how to people. “Hi.”
