After a while, you begin to be able to predict what people want to hear, so you begin to say things you don’t mean. Positive reinforcement to your people-pleasing teaches you real quick how you should act. Deferring to my mother to make decisions for me, to tell me what I like to do, watch, wear, made it impossible to understand myself. Who am I? What makes me tick? What interests do I have? How do I view the world? These questions, which over time and with experimentation help form and shape an identity, were suppressed for me during a time of life that should’ve encouraged them. For
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