I learned that my attachment to my mother was an insecure one, so I made it my mission to please her on the off chance I could turn some of her other personalities in my favor. My self-worth was dictated by what my mother thought of me, how she reacted to my performances, and the big one: whether or not she’d withhold her love. Love was a dangling carrot that made me jump higher to please her, even if it meant going against what felt right.
