How to Hide in Plain Sight

by Emma Noyes

I started cycling through the memories again. I couldn’t stop. That’s the thing about OCD. You examine yourself from every possible angle—how do I look as a lesbian? A cheater? A heartless bitch? You never thought that you were a lesbian before, but now that the possibility has arrived in your mind, you must examine it from every angle possible. Where logic talks, OCD screams. And by then, you’ve bought so fully into its hollering that you can’t tell which one was the truth and which one was the worry. And you think in circles, and the circles are endless, and they consume you, and you forget that you used to have a personality outside those circles.

And finally, to every person who sees themself in the pages of this book—you aren’t the monster you think you are. In fact, OCD attacks the things we care about most. If you worry you’re a murderer, it’s probably because you hate violence in all of its forms, and so on. The brain is a confusing place, but you can take comfort in the fact that thoughts are just that: thoughts. It’s your actions that define you. Speak up. Ask for help. You deserve love and support—and I’m sending all of mine out to you.