So Thirsty

by Rachel Harrison

I hate not knowing how much time I have to kill.

“We’re very pretty but very grim.”

“Most people are predictable. I observe them, come to my conclusions, and give them the opportunity to prove me wrong, and they never do.”

“It’s a simple choice,” Henry says. “To live forever or to die as you are.”

I’m not obsessed with tragedy. I’m obsessed with choice. How one decision can lead to catastrophe.

It’s easy to forget that the brave aren’t immune to fear.

“I don’t know what I want,” I say. “But I know it isn’t this.”

I’m not special enough to hold my own husband’s interest, but an ancient vampire will watch me sleep.

How could I grieve what I didn’t fully understand?

I was so preoccupied lamenting my invisibility as a woman getting older, I didn’t realize it could be weaponized. I didn’t realize it’s part of our power, no one thinking we have any.

“You’re romanticizing.” “So?”

How do you even know if you still love someone for who they are, or if you love them out of habit?”

I filed down all my rough edges to fit in wherever, appease whoever, and maybe I made myself entirely forgettable in the process.

Why do women always need to ask, to beg, not to be dismissed?

Aging isn’t just about our bodies decaying while we’re still inside them. It’s about living with the accumulation of experiences.

“Speculating about alternate fates is a waste of time,”

The longer you live, the more everything has context. You relate it all to what’s happened before, what you’ve already experienced.

“I wanted to see you again. I thought I might never get the chance.”

“Are you really five hundred years old?” “Five hundred and ninety-two. But who’s counting?” he asks, leaning back against the mast of the ship. He’s too old for me. Way too old. “How old were you when you were…?” “When was I turned? Twenty-seven.” He’s too young for me.

“Do you read books?” I ask him. “No, I hate reading,” he says, and I experience a moment of acute panic before he starts to laugh. “What else would I do with all this time?”