Stand and Defend (Lakes Hockey, #4)

by Sloane St. James

Most people marry for love—and most divorces happen within five years. Love is overrated. Life is meant to be filled with hobbies, like traveling, Netflix, and reading. When it comes to love, the book is always better.

“You’re gonna tell her, right?” It’ll cost me my friendship, but if he’s threatening to “unfriend” me over his fuck-up, then our friendship wasn’t strong to begin with.

One of my rules in life is if it’s not an enthusiastic yes, then it’s a no. “I don’t know” is what you say when you can’t decide what to eat for dinner.

“Try doing it with seven bars in your cock,” I growl, submerging. “Acts like a fuckin’ heatsink.” “Hard pass. How do you jack off with that shit? Your dick looks like Inspector Gadget.” “Very happily.” I love my ladder, and so do all the women that climb it.

“Aren’t you on a constant diet? And don’t you usually go for the skinny itty-bitty models?” “No, I go for confidence. Confidence is sexy as fuck. And yes, I diet occasionally for work, but that’s because it’s part of my job as an athlete, not because I want to fit into a fucking suit.”

“If I don’t like myself, how come I’m so confident?” “You’re not confident, you’re confrontational. You live your life on the offensive, that’s why you’re a dick.” “Not always. I’m not a dick to my teammates. I’m not a dick to you.” “Because you trust the boys, they prove to you every day they have your back,” she explains with a shrug. I cock my head and stare at her, and she spins away from me. “I think you trust me because I have the same issues you do. Trusting people doesn’t come easy for me either. It’s easier to keep others at a distance than to have to wonder if they’re only trying to fuck you over.”

I no longer have control over my lizard brain

She’s easy to be around. And I like the way her brain works—which is the strangest compliment I’ve ever given to someone of the opposite sex.

Her fingers press her pink, swollen lips, and she narrows her eyes. “Why the hell did you kiss me?” I shrug and tell the truth. “I wanted to.” “You can’t just go around and kiss people! You have to ask!” Her manicured nail points at my chest. I snatch up her wrists. My lopsided grin gives away how turned on I am by her feistiness. “I’ve asked consent for a lot of things, but never for a kiss.” “Well, you should start.”

He pushed too hard. He took too much. He went too far. I snap. Now it’s my turn. The night he hurt me, all I wanted was to be free of him, but being free isn’t enough anymore—he needs to know what this feels like, this hopelessness. I want him to hurt. I want him to fear me.

Being a villain sounds like more fun than being a victim.

I imagine his smug smile, thinking he’s got me under his thumb. Doesn’t he know an animal is most dangerous when cornered? I welcome the dark thoughts in my mind. Camd...

“Can I kiss you?” I look away, and my mouth curves into a grin. He asked.

“Your touch is . . . everything. It’s exciting, sexy, fun . . . It makes me forget about my past. I feel wanted and powerful. It’s the first time a man’s touch has felt like my decision, like I’m still in control.”

“What the hell was—” I look up to see Cam, he hooks his arms over the side of the barrier with it digging into his armpits. Fans around us clamor to get a puck, stick, or autograph, anything. The security below is talking him down, but he’s ignoring them completely. A few of the other players stand gawking, one of them being Barrett Conway. He’s ignoring everything around him. “Hey, birthday girl.” “Hi?” I laugh. How did he know it was my birthday? My eyes glance to the security below, instructing him to get down. His coach yells his name, but he doesn’t respond. “I think your coach wants you.” “Come here,” he says it so casually. I scoot closer, and he high-fives a starstruck young boy sitting behind me. “Teller! Let’s go!” one of the coaches bellows from the other side of the plexiglass. “Cam, what are you doing?” “Kissing you.” He grabs the back of my neck and pulls me in, doing exactly that. His mouth presses to mine, and he slides his tongue over my lower lip. It takes my breath away. After that, he drops from the board onto the padded floor below. The coach smacks him with a clipboard. “Jesus, Teller. The fuck is wrong with you? Lockers, now!” He looks up at me and winks again, and I press my fingers to my lips. My cheeks flare red and nervous laughter bursts out of me. What the hell was that about?

How come you didn’t tell me it was your birthday earlier?”

“Because it’s none of your business. It’s just a birthday. After twenty-one, birthdays don’t matter.” There’s a pause. “Your birthday matters. I got you a present.”

“Almost there, aren’t you? Does this turn you on? Knowing you’re shoulder to shoulder with a table full of hockey players and about to come all over their captain’s cock? They might find out. You’re getting wetter just thinking about it. You’ve drenched me, Jordan.”

“Why do you keep reducing our relationship to what we do in the bedroom?” he sneers. I flinch at the severity of his voice. “This is the second time you’ve chalked up what we are”—he gestures an imaginary circle between us—“to sex. And while we’re on the topic, don’t ever cheapen what you mean to me by calling yourself a plaything.” He’s angry, and I can’t help but become overly aware of how much bigger and stronger he is.

we enjoy being around each other. You understand my thoughts better than anyone. You have this weird knack for reading me. And I’ve been trying to get to know you more, but every time the conversation shifts to something heavy, you deflect or shut down. I’m not going to pretend to know what you were like with Bryan, but I would bet a signing bonus that you were just as closed off to him as you are with me. So, before you start saying I don’t know how to be in a healthy relationship—with all due respect, Sunshine—you first.

Jordan, you’re my favorite person to be with, and I like that you hold me accountable. You couldn’t care less about my money or fame or want anything from me other than my company. And that’s all I want from you. All my life I’ve been pushing my limits to get a rush, to feel something—sex, fights, drinking, speeding, buying material shit I don’t need. Since you’ve been around, I’ve never felt more content. You are my rush.”

Jordan, we’re good together. Look, this is me laying it all out on the line for you, I have never shared my feelings like this with anyone. Know why? Because you’re a safe space for me. Let me be that safe space for you.” “You are my safe space,” I assure him. He’s the only safe space I’ve ever had.

“Sunshine, there are so many things I like about you. You are strong and fearless. You handle the worst challenges with grace. You’re smart and observant. You can read me so well, it’s spooky. You’re funny, playful, wild, and sexy. Not to mention drop-dead gorgeous.” His head lolls to the side, and he shrugs. “You make me fucking crazy. Why would I want anyone else?”

“You can cry around me, you know.” “You’re a really good guy, Cam.” He groans. “But?” I raise my eyebrows and shake my head. “But nothing. I wish you would let more people see this side of you.” “I don’t need anyone else to see it. It’s yours.”

“What’s it like fucking a guy with piercings?” I chuckle. “Have you ever driven over rumble strips on the side of the highway? It’s like that, but in your vagina.”

“Because I kneel for you.” A smile spreads across his face, and I swear I melt into a puddle. “You wanted people to see this side of me, so that’s what I’m doing. I’m leaving my ego at the door. You are my queen, and I will kneel for you every day. You aren’t a quiet girlfriend on the side, you’re center ice.”

“Just because I fuck Veronica doesn’t mean I don’t want you. You and I make a strong alliance. We were meant for marriage. It looks good.”

present tense?

She levels me with a stare. “It’s not worth the risk. Bryan’s a stain on society, and he’s mine to wash out.” “What are you going to do?” “I’m going to ruin his life,” she says.

This woman’s blowing my mind. I scrub a hand down my face. Here she let me believe I was corrupting her, but she’s been her own villain all along.

“We’re not about to commit murder, are we? Because if that’s the case, I need to change my outfit.”

“Who owns you?” he grunts. “You,” I cry. He pulls me up, my ass tight against his pelvis. “No, baby. No one owns you. You’re too fucking vicious to have a keeper. But I’ll worship and love you for as long as I live to make you stay.” My mouth nearly drops open. Turning my face to the side, I smile. “Which is why I give myself to you freely.”

“That’s right, Sunshine. I’m yours.”

“Me and you, Jordan.” “Me and you.” There are moments in life you desperately want to hold on to, wish you could freeze time and space, bottle it up and take it with you. Open and breathe it in whenever you need to remember what it felt like to be alive. You wonder why it can’t be like this forever. It could disappear in seconds or hours, so you don’t dare move for fear of losing grip on euphoria. That’s what it’s like with Camden every time his arms are around me. I want to feel this content, this safe, this alive forever.

I love this Jordan, she’s imperfectly perfect.

We were made for each other. I needed Jordan to open my heart, and she needed me to heal hers. She changed my life, and I’m a better man because of her. This woman taught me how to love with my whole chest. Together, we’re unstoppable.

They say if two people are meant to be, they’ll find each other. That’s what we did—that’s how I know she’s my soulmate. It wasn’t luck that placed us on this earth at the same time, it was destiny.

She’s my twin flame. My one and only. My forever. She’s corrupted me—in the best way imaginable.