Caught in the Axe (Maine Lumberjacks, #1)

by Daphne Elliot

“So that’s why, when in doubt, I don’t eat something. And sometimes, when there’s food I can eat, I eat too much. So it’s a whole roller coaster with me.” “I hadn’t realized. I’m so sorry.”

“Were you close with your dad? You know, before all this?” “Fuck no,” he spat. “Sorry.” He ducked his head and pulled in a long breath. “I’ve kept my distance from my dad for a long time. Even before all the crime, he was a piece of shit. If anything, the recent stuff has just confirmed what I’ve always known.” “I’m so sorry.” “Don’t be.”

I handed him the bag of baby carrots again, and his hand brushed mine as he accepted it. That simple touch made my breath catch and my pulse quicken. And suddenly, Priscilla felt a lot less spacious.

“But enough about my shit. Are you sure you have time for this? It’s okay if you don’t. I don’t want you to feel obligated to help.” Humming, I twisted my lips, searching for the best way to respond to him.

With his head lowered again, he scratched at his jawline. “You just seem busy.” A long sigh escaped me. I couldn’t tell him the whole truth. It was way too pathetic. I’d wasted most of my twenties chasing the wrong things and now I had to exhaust myself every day to keep from spiraling. About the mess I’d made out of my adult life. About all the stupid mistakes I’d made and all the ways I’d put others before myself.

“I’m sorry…” I held up a hand to stop him. “Please don’t.” I didn’t want his pity. I wanted him to see me as a capable adult. “But that’s why I try to make as much time as I can to pitch in. Small towns run on the energy of their citizens,” I said. “I may only be here temporarily, but I gotta help out where I can.” He watched me, gaze intense, for several seconds.

“So let me help you,” I said softly.

Without a word, he dropped his focus from my face, unbuckled his seat belt, and opened the passenger door. Then he just stood there, his broad frame blocking out the cold, not looking at me, not speaking, for so long I began to fidget. Finally, he clutched the doorframe and leaned in, studying me. “You’re quite the surprise, Lila.”

He closed the door and tapped the roof of the van. Then he took a step back and stuffed his hands into his pockets, watching me as I drove away. Why was my stomach clenching? Why was I feeling this strange pull toward Owen and his messy family business? And what the hell was I getting myself into?

She asked question after question about what I did as CFO of DiLuca Construction, eager for every detail. Her excitement reminded me of what it was like when I was trying to figure out my own career, desperate for as much information as I could consume. I wanted to help her. She had so much damn potential. Potential she had no doubt wasted on my idiot brother.

My mind took off with possibilities, each one worse than the one before, making my blood heat and my fists clench. If he had hurt her in any way…

Tucker scowled at his dad. “He’s going to marry Auntie Adele, and they’re having a baby.” Henri grunted. “Yup. And she’s not gonna take it easy on him.”

God, being here was torture. I was a living, breathing reminder of all my father had done. And although I could not atone for his sins, I could at least acknowledge them. “I’m sorry,” I said, holding his gaze. “About your father.” It was awkward as fuck, and I felt like an idiot, but I had to say something.

least I hadn’t blurted out nonsense like “sorry my dad murdered yours. Thanks for the eggs!”

“Uncle Finn comes too. Aunt Adele is better than him, but she’s pregnant now, so we’re helping him train.” Now that I’d pay to see. Finn might be an ace pilot, but like me, he wasn’t exactly a mountain man.

Yet none of those pesky details mattered when she smiled at me. And when she did, it was like standing in the sun. Her attention was warm and comforting, and it created an ache inside me, one I’d never felt before and couldn’t identify.

“Tell me you’re at least getting busy with the hot doctors.” Magnolia waggled her brows. “Make sure to sample Baltimore’s finest before you come to New York.” Willa scoffed. “I’m not sure you understand what hospitals are actually like.” Magnolia gasped and clutched at a string of imaginary pearls. “Are you saying Grey’s Anatomy lied to me?”

“Yeah.” I popped a piece of popcorn into my mouth and chewed. “I’m helping out with the sale of Hebert Timber.” Magnolia rolled her eyes. “Oh no.” Willa huffed. “Nope.” “Girl. We’ve talked about this. Boundaries.” Magnolia pinched the bridge of her nose. “Do you want me to schedule another session with my psychiatric hypnotist?”

Magnolia wasn’t buying it. “You could do plenty of other things for thirty dollars an hour.” “Not in Lovewell, Maine.” “What about stripping?” she asked, grinning. “There’s a club in Heartsborough, and you’ve got great boobs.” “Jesus, Mags.” Willa fumed. “Are you seriously suggesting she become a stripper?” “Sex work is real work,” she snapped. “Check your judgment, Dr. Savard.”

“I know I’ve been a mess for years. I know you both did superhuman things to help me get my life back together, and I appreciate and love you both so much for that.”

My friends meant well, but I was beyond tired of being told what was best for me. Like I couldn’t figure it out on my own. “But I want to do this. I need to do this. And I’m going to do this.”

“Boundary drawn!” Magnolia lifted her martini glass in salute. “I’m proud of you,” Willa said. “Even though I don’t trust the Heberts, you know what’s best for you.” “And anything that gets you to New York faster is a good thing,” Mags added.

I’d come here for a change of scenery. Not because I’d hoped to see a certain familiar face.

If asked, I’d deny that I’d spent the last twenty-four hours holed up in my cabin, alternating between stewing over what the hell my father had been doing for the last twenty years—and still trying to understand why—and thinking about Lila: her smile, her laugh, her unabashed love for her minivan. That thought alone brought a smile to my face every time.

“It’s not hostility. It’s curiosity.” Gus lifted one shoulder, seemingly unbothered. “It’s gotten so much better. Last year, Adele went on a tirade, threatened the mayor and shamed Father Renee when they were rude to Finn and Merry. I wasn’t there, but people still talk about it.”

“I’m the bad guy for leaving, yet no one has a problem with Noah for doing the same thing?” I asked. “What gives?” Gus cocked one brow, as if he was surprised I needed an explanation. “He’s Noah. That kid couldn’t stand still with a gun to his head. He’s a free spirit.”

My gut sank at the reprimand, but I nodded. He was right. There weren’t many people on this earth I loved, but my mother was at the top of the list. Though I wasn’t avoiding her, I was avoiding her roommate, my half brother Cole. The fewer interactions I had with that dumbass, the better.

“I guess I can ask Lila. She can take notes,” I said, going for nonchalant, even as the thought of spending more time with her sent a thrill through me. That thrill quickly turned to dread, though, when my brother shot me a glare. “Don’t,” he said, his voice low and gruff. “Don’t look at her. Don’t think about her like that.” “Like what?” I said, playing dumb. “You are a grown man. I don’t need to explain it.”

“Lila’s a good kid. She’s working her ass off so she can move to New York and get a master’s degree. Do not cause problems for her.”

“I’m the oldest of six boys, and I’ve spent the last twenty-plus years working in the woods with dozens of men. Trust me when I say this. You’re not fooling anyone. So let me say it again. Not her.”

“I didn’t recognize her when she came to the office on Friday, okay? The image of Cole’s girlfriend I had in my head didn’t remotely resemble her. Seeing her just knocked me on my ass a bit. That’s all.” Gus buried his face in his hands and growled, clearly not comforted by my half-assed reasoning. “Jesus. This is the last thing we need right now. She’s a kid.” “She’s twenty-eight. Hardly a kid.” “Said the thirty-eight-year-old man sitting across from me.”

I gave every task 100 percent of my attention, and I didn’t believe in distraction. At least I hadn’t before. Now? This was no ordinary job, and this was no ordinary town. And Lila? She sure as shit wasn’t an ordinary employee.

“Listen, little brother. If you could pack up so easily, leaving no one behind to miss you, then maybe your life in Boston isn’t so fucking excellent.” His words stung. Shit.

Before I could stand and drag Gus out of the booth by the collar, the door chimed and Lila walked in. The world around me ceased to exist as I watched her greet the barista and several of the patrons with warm smiles, her ponytail bobbing as she waved at each one of them.

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about. I see the way you’re looking at her.”

“Get your fucking head in the game. We have work to do,” Gus said, sliding out of the booth. “And stop mooning over your little brother’s ex-girlfriend. It’s pathetic.”

Each day, he looked a little more disheveled. First he’d traded his dress pants for jeans. Then his shirts were no longer tucked in. Now his stubble was flirting with beard territory. He was looking less city boy and more lumberjack by the day. And it was a problem. Because he looked good.

My heart warmed as I took him in, then surveyed all my goodies again. Maybe this was a small gesture for him, and in the grand scheme of things, I supposed it was. But I’d been raised on a steady diet of Hallmark movies and my mother’s dramatic relationships, so I’d never been one for big, romantic gestures. Over-the-top proposals and flashy declarations had never done much for me, no matter how much Mom loved them.

While snack food might not mean much to the average person, to someone like me, for whom food could be dangerous, it was huge.

I hugged everyone, regardless of the occasion, whether it be joyful or agonizing. It was as natural to me as breathing. But the instant his body heat seeped into me, it was clear that touching him like this had been a huge mistake.

“Thank you,” I said into his chest. Did I have to let go? I should let go. But he wasn’t loosening his grip. “You’re welcome,” he murmured, and then I swore—I swore—he pressed his nose to the crown of my head and sniffed.

But right now, my head was a mess, consumed with thoughts of Lila. We’d hugged, and I had held on too long. She had thrown her arms around me in a friendly embrace, and I’d taken it straight to Creepville, especially when I’d pressed my nose to her head and smelled her hair. God, I was a disgrace. I was acting like a fool.

It had been a few years since I’d seen a therapist, but it seemed as though it was time to schedule an appointment. Clearly my mental health was on the decline.

“What exactly are we doing?” I asked, jogging to catch up with Finn’s monster strides. “Training,” he said, shooting me a grin. “Don’t feel bad. The Gagnons are good, but Remy’s a professional, so there’s no keeping up with him. He’s traveling right now, but the rest of the guys still regularly kick my ass. Even the kid.”

The kid tipped his chin, looking cockier than a scrawny boy his size had any right to. “You gonna show us your skills, old man? My dad’s won competitions. He and my uncles are teaching me everything they know.”

Pascal elbowed him. “Maybe city boy here should start with the kid-size axe Goldie uses.” “You should talk,” Finn said. “Tell us more about your Italian loafers, Paz.” He slung an arm around my neck. “My brother was born and raised in these woods just like you dumbasses. He’ll do the Hebert name proud.”

“Adele and I are carving out our own slice of happy here. I’m not saying you have to do the same. Hell, go find your happy wherever the fuck you want to. But closing yourself off isn’t gonna help you find it.”

Halfway to his truck, he stopped and turned back to me. “I meant what I said. When you’re ready, I’ll be here for you.”

She tutted. “You never go out anymore. Where are you going to meet people? You’re almost thirty.” Oh jeez. This again.

Despite keeping the peace at home, the irritation I’d felt lingered and festered, and by the time I reached the office, I was in a mood. How could I grow and evolve when my mother, along with everyone else in this damn town, wanted to keep me stuck?