To Catch a Firefly

by Emmy Sanders

I trace from one to the other, mapping the blood flow. Heart to cock. Love to lust.

But how do I keep him? How do I hold onto a creature that’s meant to fly?

With the moon lending its soft glow through the window, Lucky falls asleep. And I learn what it is to cradle a firefly in my palms.

I’ve never been as comfortable in silence as I am with him.

I could do nothing but kiss Lucky until the end of time, and I would be content. I’d swirl with him in the sky until we were one, binary stars gravitationally bound to one another.

“I know it’s hard seeing him go. But Lucky is a fighter. Always has been. He’ll come back, Ellis. He knows you’re worth fighting for.”

“You say I’m your firefly?” I nod. Yes. “Well you’re my goddamn moon, Ellis. You call, I come.” “I… I never asked for that.” “You didn’t have to.”

I wondered, more often than once, if I’d made a mistake. And every time I stayed away a little longer, it felt like I was losing my breath. Like I had less oxygen in my lungs. I was starved of it without you, El. You don’t make me feel trapped, okay? Never. You’re the air I breathe.”

“They can have your shoulders,” I say, swinging onto his lap. He leans back, accepting my weight easily. “So long as you let me ride your front.”