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I’ve dreamed about Lucky throughout the years, whenever I was too weak to stop myself. I wondered what he would look like bared before me. Wondered how smooth his skin would be if I had the chance to explore
Lucky wasn’t mine to covet, mine to have. And yet here he is. Somehow, mine, by his own choosing. Mine to hold and treasure and cherish. Mine to love freely.
But I never thought I’d get this, and I can’t give it back. I can’t give it up willingly; I just can’t. I won’t.
He doesn’t protest in the least as I step forward and bring my lips to his. They part on a sigh, warm and yielding against my own as the air between us heats, heavy with something more than steam.
Maybe I should feel…overwhelmed. Or even nervous. Maybe I should worry what Lucky thinks of me or wonder whether or not I’m doing this right. But none of it matters. It’s always been him and me, from the very beginning, it seems. Lucky was right about that. Him coming into my life was a starting point. It was defining, and all that’s come after has revolved around him. How couldn’t it?
But when it comes to this? There’s no room for bashfulness. No hiding from the person who owns me, body and soul. I’m his for the taking, always have been. And now, he wants.
It’s not lost on me that I’m finally touching the only person who’s ever played a starring role in my fantasies. My dreams have nothing on reality.
“Would you”—a groan as I swirl my thumb over his crown—“come here? I need… God, I need to know you’re real. That this is real.”
“Fuck. Yes, that’s perfect, baby. Feel good?” I nod, breath caught in my throat. I like the way he calls me baby. I’ve heard the endearment before, but on Lucky’s lips, it’s heated. Possessive. It’s a claim, a gift I never thought I’d get.
“God, El, I need you. I always need you.”
And the feel of him nestled against me is the best sort of normal. It’s us, El. Me and you. For always. But it’s also something more. Something that has yet to settle into the dirt. A seed, so full of possibilities it’s blinding, yet fragile and new, not yet sowed into the earth. It could still fly away, that seed, taken by the wind before it has a chance to grow.
“I know today has been a lot, but we’re going to figure this out, okay? After we visit with our folks, I’m going to bed with you. Whether that’s here or at my parents’, I don’t care. But I’m not leaving you tonight.”
“There’s no going back for us, El. Not after this.” No, there’s not.
And when the night is over, Lucky follows me home and climbs into my bed as if he’s done it a million times before. He cries for a short while as the day catches up to him. But I hold him through it, thankful for the privilege, and eventually, his tears dry. It’s some time later when he speaks, his voice so quiet and sleepy I almost miss it. “This is real, El. Me and you, it’s real.”
With the moon lending its soft glow through the window, Lucky falls asleep. And I learn what it is to cradle a firefly in my palms.
A smile slips onto my face, and with it comes a familiar swell of butterflies in my stomach. I feel sixteen again, a little love-drunk as thoughts of Ellis fill my mind.
The only explanation I have is that Ellis didn’t want me to know. He kept his feelings locked down tight, and I can’t even blame him for it. I did the same, assuming they’d never be returned.
She gives me a smile. “Ellis says you two are dating now.” I almost bark a laugh. Leave it to Ellis to jump forward without worrying about what people would think. He never really has. The thought makes me smile. “Yeah,” I tell her. “I guess we are.”
“Lucky, hon,” Mrs. Cole says, cutting me off gently. She sets her tablet aside, hand shaking slightly. Her eyes, unlike Ellis’s, are hazel, and they appraise me kindly. “I’m not worried about that. You two have been circling each other for years. I can’t imagine you’ll let something like distance stop you now that you’ve finally caught one another.”
“What is it?” I ask. The softness in his gaze floors me, as does his answer. “Looking.” “You’ve seen me a million times,” I point out, heart pounding. His expression manages to convey how much of an idiot I am, while also weakening my knees. “Never enough.” Fucking hell.
He’s hot beneath my touch, a furnace himself, and I hold on like a man starved. No matter how futile it seemed, there was always a piece of me that desperately hoped we’d end up here. I couldn’t let it go, couldn’t shake the possibility. I wanted him too much, and even now, it’s not enough. Like he said, it’ll never be enough. There won’t ever be a time where I don’t want this man. Where I don’t hunger for him.
I almost stop myself from drinking him in properly before remembering I can.
“Is it weird for you, being with a man?” I find myself asking. He frowns, and I get the sense he’s asking me, Why would it be? “I don’t know,” I answer. “If maybe you assumed you were straight, then—” He shakes his head quickly. “Didn’t assume.” He rolls his lips like there’s more he wants to say, so I wait. “Not weird. It’s you.” There go those butterflies again.
He never had this, I remind myself. All of this is new for him. It makes it feel new for me, too. “El,” I groan, my legs around his waist. He grunts, meeting my tongue. I can’t speak again until he draws back. “I don’t want you to be with anyone else,” I say, my tone a little harsher than I intended, making my frantic words sound more like a demand than the plea they were supposed to be.
“How many times?” he says. “Only you. No one…but you.” I blow out a slow breath, my heart rate calming. “Right. Okay.” He raises an eyebrow like you sure you got it now? “Yeah,” I say, tugging him back down to me. “Just us.”
One day soon, I’m going to savor every inch of this man the way he deserves. I’m going to worship him for hours, again and again until he’s begging me to stop. It won’t be rushed, and it won’t be in a field of dirt and corn. But today is not that day.
The sheer size of him towering above me is enough to have me squirming and breathless, knowing he would never harm me, never hurt me. Only protect. My Ellis.
His hands weave back into my hair, and he looks at me. Simply looks. I’ve never been as comfortable in silence as I am with him. Finally, he kisses me, a hard, demanding thing.
He takes it in hand then, his eyes meeting mine. “There’s no wrong way,” I tell him. “Don’t bite me, and we’ll be good.”
Much to my surprise, he lowers his face slowly, turning his head at the last moment and nibbling ever so gently against the side of my crown. I buck against him, a zing traveling up my entire body as I huff a laugh. “Okay, maybe a little biting,” I concede. His grin would topple me if I were standing.
It’s sloppy and unpracticed and by far the best thing I’ve ever felt in my life. The sun is warm as it beats down on my face, the low leaves of the corn stalks brush my arms, and nothing exists but Ellis and me in this place where we met. This place where we began.
When I come, it’s like a punch to my solar plexus, soul-consuming and comforting all at once. It’s that feeling of home I’ve only ever had with him. It’s the rumbling of mountains and the kiss of wind through the fields, and it’s love. God, is it love, wholly, pure, and absolute. I won’t ever love another the way I love Ellis, and I don’t want to. He’s it. He’s always been it.
I never knew, before now, how intimate the act of kissing could be.
He’s halfway to his car when he spins, striding back over to me with purpose. He doesn’t stop until he’s an inch in front of me, his palms landing on my cheeks. “I promise I’ll be back soon,” he says, voice firm. “It’s me and you, right, El?” I nod against his grasp. Always.
He kisses me then. It’s an oath, just as binding as his words, and I tuck it inside of me where I know it will keep me warm. He doesn’t pull away as quickly this time. When he leans back, he looks at me for the longest moment, his face so close I can see the specks of color that make up his irises, even in the dim light. There are too many shades. Maybe that’s why I’ve never been able to pinpoint it. “Soon,” he repeats. I nod, and he lets go.
“I know it’s hard seeing him go. But Lucky is a fighter. Always has been. He’ll come back, Ellis. He knows you’re worth fighting for.”
“This is real, El. Me and you, it’s real.” We’re friends, yes. Always. But we’re more than that, too. Lucky is… He’s my everything.
It’s been a hard couple of weeks away from Ellis, my craving for the man having reached an all-time high. I can’t seem to shove my feelings down, not anymore. Not like I used to. It’s almost scary, the intensity of my bone-deep desire to hear him, feel him, to be held in his arms. It’s not just about sex, of course. Not in the least. But I won’t lie and say I don’t want that, too. Badly.
“Really, Lucky-boy? That man has loved you for years. You told me yourself. You love him, too. You don’t have to worry about your heart when it comes to him.” “Sometimes,” I say slowly, “you give me such bad advice.” “And sometimes I don’t.” “Sometimes, you don’t,” I agree.
He makes a small sound. “Miss you is all.” My chest squeezes tight. “I’ll be home soon.” “I know.” “I miss you, too.” “I know,” he says again.
Oh, God. It’s me. I’m the one who’s going to corrupt him. I blow out a slow breath. “Have you thought about what you’d like to do? With me?” There’s only a beat of silence. “Yes.”
“Will you show me when I get back?” I ask. “Will you show me what you’ve thought about?” No hesitation. “Yes.” Heat pools low in my stomach.
“I can’t wait to kiss you again. I miss that most,” I admit. His sound is an adamant yes.
There’s a beat of silence, and then Ellis laughs. It’s the most perfect sound.
When I see a flash of corkscrewing golden-blonde hair, my heartbeat kicks up in tempo. There’s a smile on Lucky’s lips, but his face is tipped down as he walks, a suitcase dragging behind him. My chest rises and falls as he gets closer, and I almost call out. But then he looks up, and bright eyes collide with mine. Lucky stutters almost to a stop when he sees me, his smile widening. The surprise only lasts for a moment. He picks up his pace, runs, and then, he flies. I catch Lucky in my arms as his suitcase goes clattering to the floor. His legs wrap around me tight, hair tickling the side of
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He smooths his hands around to the back of my neck, cursing gently. “And to think, I could have had this for years.” My chest twinges. We didn’t know. Neither of us knew.
It’s a small lifetime that passes in the seconds it takes me to stand before him. It feels like our history, and in a way, maybe it is. Maybe that’s what makes love—all the moments, big and small. All the memories piled up one on top of the other, just like those Northern Lights that paint across the sky at the edge of the world. Maybe, when it comes down to it, love is in the act of living. It’s choosing—breathing—that person every single day.
I can hardly think, can barely form coherent thought apart from how right this is. How, for the first time, I’m finally, finally, close enough. I’m connected to Lucky and him to me, and God, God, if I could just stay this way forever.
“Show me, El.” I nod again, finding his lips. The sound he makes against my mouth wraps around my heart and tugs. And when I finally move inside him, that moan breaks, shattering apart like glass, both delicate and beautiful.
It’s beautiful, all of it. Ellis. The twinkling lights above him. Even the smooth wooden table under my ass. It’s like a rustic dream, cast from a fairy tale.
