To Catch a Firefly

by Emmy Sanders

“But we’re not done,” he says vehemently, stepping into my space. “We’ll never be done. Me and you, we don’t have an ending.”

everyone is going to understand you, Ellis. But it’s not your job to make them.”

I was ten years old when I met Lucky. I knew it then, and I know it now. He’s a firefly. Luminous and wild. He was never meant to be trapped. Not here and not with me. And in a few days, I’ll finally watch him fly away.

I think it was at thirteen that I first felt my heart beat for you. And break, just a little. Because I knew, like that tornado, you’d leave destruction in your path, and I’d be your willing victim. I’d do it again. I love you, my brilliant firefly.

We’ve grown. Of course we have. But still, always, I love you. Don’t stay away too long this time, my darling firefly.

Finally, I say, “When you’re…gone, you… You share your life. With me. Your adventures and…

And your joy.” I set my gaze on the corn as I go on. “It means the world to me, Luck. To be a part of that. I… Please don’t stop just…just because I was…” Scared, I can’t say. I can’t. I let out a small breath before continuing. “I don’t ever want to lose…the place I have in your world.”

I remember, without my permission, the feel of his skin underneath my palms when we were seventeen. When Ellis kissed me beneath a waterfall. My first kiss. My first love.

“Have you ever wanted someone so much,” I say slowly, “that it feels like your atoms are vibrating when you’re away from them? Like you’re half of a whole, and your body knows it. And until you’re in their arms again, every single piece of you is straining toward them because…because they’re your home. They’re part of you. Your beginning and your never-ending. How? How do I move on from that?”

It’s not lost on me that I’m finally touching the only person who’s ever played a starring role in my fantasies.

With the moon lending its soft glow through the window, Lucky falls asleep. And I learn what it is to cradle a firefly in my palms.

And as the fireflies twinkle above, our mouths dance.