To Catch a Firefly

by Emmy Sanders

I’m scared because he’s brave and curious and likes the thrill of danger, even though he’s never outright said so. Those qualities I love about my friend, those things that make him so uniquely him, are the things that scare me.

can drag Lucky all over Nebraska or even further, show him the wonders in his own backyard. But whatever this feeling is he’s chasing, it’s bigger than me, bigger than this place, bigger than anything I know. What I have to offer won’t ever be enough for my free-spirited friend.

For one night, I hold Lucky like I want to. And in the morning, I go.

“But we’re not done,” he says vehemently, stepping into my space. “We’ll never be done. Me and you, we don’t have an ending.”

Lucky has always heard me. From the very first time we met, he’s heard me. He knows me, unlike any other.

I was ten years old when I met Lucky. I knew it then, and I know it now. He’s a firefly. Luminous and wild. He was never meant to be trapped. Not here and not with me. And in a few days, I’ll finally watch him fly away.

He’s your anchor,” Danil says quietly. “No,” I whisper, my eyes lifting to the full moon. “He doesn’t fight the tide. He controls it.”

Because he is. Ellis is home to me.

“I don’t want you to be with anyone else,” I say, my tone a little harsher than I intended, making my frantic words sound more like a demand than the plea they were supposed to be.

uhhhh, what about you??? no more Dani right?

I won’t ever love another the way I love Ellis, and I don’t want to. He’s it. He’s always been it. And for the first time since we’ve known one another, I know, as I look into his brown eyes, that whatever piece of me is tethered to Ellis has a counterpoint. An equal pull. Mrs. Cole was right.

Maybe, when it comes down to it, love is in the act of living. It’s choosing—breathing—that person every single day. Me and you.

And it hits me. This is my best friend. The person I know most in this world. And he isn’t going away. This isn’t going away. Not ever.

“You’re mine now,” I whisper. “I hope you know that.” He leans down, elbows on the table. His hips are still pressed to my ass, and my legs are still around his body. He catches my lips with his own, kissing me once, twice. “Always yours,” he says. And as the fireflies twinkle above, our mouths dance.

“I love you, too. I have for years. I loved you then, and I love you now, and I won’t ever stop. I’m not capable of it. You’re it for me, El. You’re my big goddamn romance. And there’s nowhere else I’d rather be than here with you.”

He’s so lovely. So utterly gorgeous, and I know, no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to explain to him the depth of what he makes me feel. How he means comfort and safety. How I long for him with an intensity I don’t even fully understand. How he makes me brave and, at times, a little fierce, just like him. How, when we’re together, all I can see is blue. He’s blue, and our story is washed in it.

“Promise we’ll still do this when we’re sixty or eighty or a hundred. I want a lifetime with you, El. Me and you. ’Til the end of time.” I draw an X over Lucky’s heart. Promise.

with Danil officiating.

blergh. Danil.... :(

Lucky Will you marry me? Ellis is grinning above the edge of the sign, his eyes, even from here, looking wet. Our guests glance between the two of us, smiling, if not a little confused. Our parents, though—they understand. “What do you think?” I shout at him. His grin widens, and he drops the sign to his side, revealing his blue boutonniere that matches my own. My stomach flutters as I take him in. He looks undeniably handsome standing there, the soft colors of his fitted suit contrasting so nicely with his darker hair. He looks steady, strong, and determined, and the me of so many years ago never would have imagined he’d be mine. My Ellis. “Shit,” I mutter to myself, shaking my head. “I’m gonna marry that man.”

“Others…they might come and go,” he says slowly, gaze holding mine. “But I’ll always love you, Luck. Won’t ever stop.”