To Catch a Firefly

by Emmy Sanders

I want my life to be…remarkable, El.”

It will be. Because it’s his. He’s not capable of anything else, I know it. I just don’t know how to say it.

I’ll show him; that’s what I’ll do. I’ll show Lucky there’s adventure to be had right here. That he can have his remarkable life. An...

When I started wishing those other men would simply disappear because Lucky is supposed to be mine—my friend, my person—and don’t they know that? Doesn’t he?

He never was mine to keep. No matter how much I wish it.

The only person I’ve ever wanted to touch is right in front of me, and anything between us could never be meaningless. Not to me.

Only you. There’s only ever been you.

For one night, I hold Lucky like I want to. And in the morning, I go.

“But we’re not done,” he says vehemently, stepping into my space. “We’ll never be done. Me and you, we don’t have an ending.”

Lucky has always heard me. From the very first time we met, he’s heard me. He knows me, unlike any other.

He’s a firefly. Luminous and wild. He was never meant to be trapped. Not here and not with me.

I think it was at thirteen that I first felt my heart beat for you. And break, just a little. Because I knew, like that tornado, you’d leave destruction in your path, and I’d be your willing victim. I’d do it again. I love you, my brilliant firefly.

But what makes one person look at another and think yes, this one. I want this one? What makes their heart beat faster? What makes their body react?

How would I explain my heart doesn’t know how to beat for anyone but him?

What if she hurts him? What if…what if she doesn’t?

He’s beautiful; I can’t even deny that. He’s lovely in the way the natural world is lovely. Imperfect but vital. Roughly hewn and uniquely himself. He’s just… Ellis. He’s my Ellis.

And it’s then, when our gazes collide for the first time in half a year, that my worry fades, my tension dissipates, and I sway forward as every single part of me sings in rightness and relief. Because finally—finally—I’m home.

They’re you. The closest I could ever come to capturing you.

“I don’t ever want to lose…the place I have in your world.”

“Do you really think anything between me and you could be meaningless?”

“Do you think,”

“that I would fly halfway around the world and drive into town during a tornado watch just to ki...

Ellis is home to me.

and it’s all I can do to hang on, desperate for anything—everything—he’ll give me.

I should have known kissing Ellis would rearrange my world.

He’s not just a crush. He never was. He’s the man no one else has ever measured up to.

“I’ve wanted you for such a long time.”

“You have me.”

But when it comes to this? There’s no room for bashfulness. No hiding from the person who owns me, body and soul. I’m his for the taking, always have been. And now, he wants.

My dreams have nothing on reality.

“This is real, El. Me and you, it’s real.”

The softness in his gaze floors me, as does his answer. “Looking.” “You’ve seen me a million times,” I point out, heart pounding. His expression manages to convey how much of an idiot I am, while also weakening my knees. “Never enough.”

“Not weird. It’s you.”

“Only you. No one…but you.”

It’s that feeling of home I’ve only ever had with him. It’s the rumbling of mountains and the kiss of wind through the fields, and it’s love. God, is it love, wholly, pure, and absolute.

I won’t ever love another the way I love Ellis, and I don’t want to. He’s it. He’s always been it.

We’ll always come back to one another, time and time again.

He’s my everything.

Oh, God. It’s me. I’m the one who’s going to corrupt him.

Hihihi

I can hardly think, can barely form coherent thought apart from how right this is. How, for the first time, I’m finally, finally, close enough. I’m connected to Lucky and him to me, and God, God, if I could just stay this way forever.

His head lifts, eyes meeting mine. “Wasn’t guys.” My breath catches all over again. “Only me.”

And it hits me. This is my best friend. The person I know most in this world. And he isn’t going away. This isn’t going away. Not ever.

“You’re mine now,” I whisper. “I hope you know that.”

“Always yours,” he says.

He’s already written himself into my heart.

“Do you want to know what the most remarkable thing in my life is?”

“It’s you.”

“You say I’m your firefly?”

“Well you’re my goddamn moon, Ellis. You call, I come.”

“I love you, too. I have for years. I loved you then, and I love you now, and I won’t ever stop. I’m not capable of it. You’re it for me, El. You’re my big goddamn romance. And there’s nowhere else I’d rather be than here with you.”