To Catch a Firefly

by Emmy Sanders

“And high above, the moon sits round, and we, in its light. Waxing, waning, never gone. A gift to see the night.”

“He’s your anchor,” Danil says quietly. “No,” I whisper, my eyes lifting to the full moon. “He doesn’t fight the tide. He controls it.”

“We’ll never be done. Me and you, we don’t have an ending.”

“Have you ever wanted someone so much,” I say slowly, “that it feels like your atoms are vibrating when you’re away from them? Like you’re half of a whole, and your body knows it. And until you’re in their arms again, every single piece of you is straining toward them because…because they’re your home. They’re part of you. Your beginning and your never-ending. How? How do I move on from that?”

Madly in love and planning the wedding? Fucking like bunnies? Getting matching tattoos?

With the moon lending its soft glow through the window, Lucky falls asleep. And I learn what it is to cradle a firefly in my palms.

I break and bend old jars for you because I won’t ever trap you in glass. You’re my firefly, and you deserve the life you’ve always strived to live.

“You say I’m your firefly?” I nod. Yes. “Well you’re my goddamn moon, Ellis. You call, I come.”

I draw an X over Lucky’s heart. Promise.

Luck. We’re going to get married today. Can you believe it? In less than an hour, you’ll be my husband, and I’ll be yours. I know they say wedding day jitters are common, but I’ve never been surer of anything in my life. I was twenty-two years old when I said goodbye to you. College was over, our childhood was over, and it was time for you to move on. I said goodbye to you a lot after that. Each time you came to visit or we talked on the phone, I knew goodbye was inevitable. I don’t have to say goodbye anymore. I know we decided to exchange simple vows today. To say our ‘I dos’ in front of our family and friends. And I know that was for my sake because Lord knows I wouldn’t be able to give much of a speech on a day like today. But… I promise you this, Luck. I will love you for all of our days. I will cherish you the way you deserve. I will hold you every chance I get. And I will be closer than that any time you need it. I will treat you more carefully than glass. I will hug you before every flight. I will kiss you all the days we’re together. And I will think of you any day we are not. I don’t know what it is that makes attraction, but I know I bend toward you no matter where on this Earth you are. I feel your pull, and if I am your moon, as you say I am, then I promise to always call you back home. You are my world, Luck. And even when all goes dark, I will look for you. I will find you, blinking for me in the endless night, and I will be with you always. My brilliant fir...