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September 29 - December 3, 2018
but what we consume with our eyes, our ears, our noses, our tongues, and our bodies is also food.
When we say something that nourishes us and uplifts the people around us, we are feeding love and compassion. When we speak and act in a way that causes tension and anger, we are nourishing violence and suffering.
Mindfulness requires letting go of judgment, returning to an awareness of the breath and the body, and bringing your full attention to what is in you and around you.
Mindfulness is our skin. Without mindfulness, we may take in things that are toxic to our body and mind.
Nourishing and healing communication is the food of our relationships. Sometimes one cruel utterance can make the other person suffer for many years, and we will suffer for many years too.
To stop and communicate with yourself is a revolutionary act.
You begin by just stopping whatever you’re doing, sitting down, and connecting with yourself. This is called mindful awareness.
Once you can communicate with yourself, you’ll be able to communicate outwardly with more clarity. The way in is the way out. Mindful breathing is a means of communication, just like a phone. It promotes communication between the mind and the body.
Breathing in and breathing out is a practice of freedom. When we focus our attention on our breath, we release everything else, including worries or fears about the future and regrets or sorrows about the past.
But a lot of our thinking is caught up in dwelling on the past, trying to control the future, generating misperceptions, and worrying about what others are thinking.
Mindfulness lets us listen to the pain, the sorrow, and the fear inside. When we see that some suffering or some pain is coming up, we don’t try to run away from it. In fact, we have to go back and take care of it.
Mindful walking is a wonderful way to bring together body and mind.
If you think while you walk, you’re not really walking.
We don’t tell our fear to go away; we recognize it. We don’t tell our anger to go away; we acknowledge it. These feelings are like a small child tugging at our sleeves. Pick them up and hold them tenderly. Acknowledging our feelings without judging them or pushing them away, embracing them with mindfulness, is an act of homecoming.
Then our communication with others will be based on the desire to understand rather than the desire to prove ourselves right or make ourselves feel better. We will have only the intention to help.
Self-understanding is crucial for understanding another person; self-love is crucial for loving others.
Don’t neglect to reserve some time alone each day for communicating with yourself.
There are two keys to effective and true communication. The first is deep listening. The second is loving speech.
When we listen to someone with the intention of helping that person suffer less, this is deep listening.
I am listening to this person with only one purpose: to give this person a chance to suffer less.
ask the important question “Do you think I understand you enough?”
You may say, “Please tell me, please help me. Because I know very well that if I don’t understand you, I will make a lot of mistakes.”
The Four Elements of Right Speech
Tell the truth.
Don’t exaggerate.
Be consistent.
Use peaceful language.
The fourth aspect of Right Speech is to refrain from speech that’s violent, condemning, abusive, humiliating, accusing, or judgmental.
Don’t think that if you hear or read something that inspires you, you should then repeat it word for word. Think of how to make these truths you heard resonate with your own.
Listening deeply is a kind of looking deeply. You look not with your eyes but with your ears.
In Vietnamese, the bodhisattva Avalokiteshvara is called Quan The Am (in Chinese, Kwan Yin). Quan means to contemplate deeply; the means world; and am means sound. Quan The Am listens to all the sounds, all the suffering of the world.
There are many ways that people can support us and love us without actually saying, “I love you.”
The first mantra is: “I am here for you.”
The second mantra is: “I know you are there, and I am very happy.”
While the first two mantras can be said several times a day, no matter what the situation, the third mantra is used when you notice that the other person is suffering.
The third mantra is: “I know you suffer, and that is why I am here for you.”
fourth mantra: “I suffer, please help.”
According to our practice in Plum Village, you have the right to suffer twenty-four hours but not more.
The three sentences together are: “I suffer, and I want you to know it. I am doing my best. Please help.”
The fifth mantra is: “This is a happy moment.”
You use the sixth mantra when someone praises or criticizes you. You can use it equally well in both cases. The sixth mantra is: “You are partly right.”
When anger is there, we should handle it with tenderness because our anger is us. We shouldn’t do violence to our anger. Doing violence to our anger is doing violence to ourselves.
The same is true of the practice of mindfulness when it embraces anger. It will take a while, because the anger takes a while to cook.
If you are truly practicing, others will see that and be affected by it.
Whatever we perceive, we have to ask ourselves, “Are you sure your perception is right?”
Words can travel thousands of miles. May my words create mutual understanding and love. May they be as beautiful as gems, as lovely as flowers.
To produce a thought is to act.
Thinking is the first kind of action, because our thinking is the basis for how we affect the world.
Speech, the second form of action, can heal and liberate, or it can cause destruction and pain.
French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre said, “Man is the sum of all his actions.”
