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October 28 - November 25, 2018
If our minds are blocked, there is no device that will make up for our inability to communicate with ourselves or others.
Breathing in and breathing out is a practice of freedom. When we focus our attention on our breath, we release everything else, including worries or fears about the future and regrets or sorrows about the past.
Nonthinking is a very important practice. Of course, thinking and talking can be productive too, especially when our minds and feelings are clear. But a lot of our thinking is caught up in dwelling on the past, trying to control the future, generating misperceptions, and worrying about what others are thinking.
If you don’t communicate well with yourself, you cannot communicate well with another person.
When we begin breathing mindfully, feelings of loneliness, sadness, fear, and anxiety may come up. When that happens, we don’t need to do anything right away. We can just continue to follow our in-breath and our out-breath. We don’t tell our fear to go away; we recognize it. We don’t tell our anger to go away; we acknowledge it. These feelings are like a small child tugging at our sleeves. Pick them up and hold them tenderly. Acknowledging our feelings without judging them or pushing them away, embracing them with mindfulness, is an act of homecoming.
The amount of suffering inside us and around us can be overwhelming. Usually we don’t like to be in touch with it because we believe it’s unpleasant. The marketplace provides us with everything imaginable to help us run away from ourselves. We consume all these products in order to ignore and cover up the suffering in us. Even if we’re not hungry, we eat. When we watch television, even if the program isn’t very good, we don’t have the courage to turn it off, because we know that when we turn it off we may have to go back to ourselves and get in touch with the suffering inside. We consume not
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Understanding suffering gives rise to compassion.
Self-understanding is crucial for understanding another person;
Don’t neglect to reserve some time alone each day for communicating with yourself.
The other person may say things that are full of wrong perceptions, bitterness, accusation, and blaming. If we don’t practice mindfulness, their words will set off irritation, judgment, and anger in us, and we will lose our capacity to listen compassionately. When irritation or anger arises, we lose our capacity to listen.
If the quality of your listening is not good enough, it’s better to pause and continue another day;
Tell the truth.
Don’t exaggerate.
Be consistent.
Use peaceful language.
The truth is a solid base for a long-lasting relationship. If you don’t build your relationship on the truth, sooner or later it will crumble.
“I am here for you.”
“I know you are there, and I am very happy.”
“I know you suffer, and that is why I am here for you.”
“I suffer, please help.”
“This is a happy moment.”
“You are partly right.”
I have weaknesses in me, and I have strengths in me. If you praise me, I shouldn’t get too puffed up and ignore the fact that in me there are also challenges. When you criticize me, I shouldn’t get lost in that and ignore the positive things.
If you want to help society, your community, your country, you have to have a home base. When you have a true home in yourself and in your home, you have happiness, safety, and fulfillment. Then you are in a position to go out and help create a more compassionate and loving community.
When we’re still young, many of us are determined to be different from our parents. We say we’ll never make our children suffer. But when we grow up we tend to behave just like our parents, and we make others suffer because, like our ancestors, we don’t know how to handle the energies we’ve inherited. We’ve received many positive and negative seeds from our parents and ancestors.
The first thing is to look deeply and see that not only on your side but also on the other side there’s a lot of fear and suffering. In the beginning we think that we are the only ones who suffer and have a lot of fear. But if we get close enough to the other side and look, we see that they also have a lot of fear—fear of us—and also suffering. When we can see their suffering and fear, we suffer less already. When we’re able to produce a compassionate thought, this thought begins to heal us, heal the other, and heal the world.
If you arrive at your workplace having already practiced mindfulness while getting ready at home and while on your way, you’ll arrive happier and more relaxed than you have in the past, and successful communication will come a lot more easily.
When you write words full of compassion and forgiveness, you feel freer, even if the person you’re writing to hasn’t read them yet. Even before you mail the letter or send the e-mail or text, you feel better. The person reading your words will also feel your compassion. In the same way, if you speak with anger and violence, if you speak out of a desire to punish, both you and the people who hear your words experience more suffering.
