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The other person may say things that are full of wrong perceptions, bitterness, accusation, and blaming. If we don’t practice mindfulness, their words will set off irritation, judgment, and anger in us, and we will lose our capacity to listen compassionately. When irritation or anger arises, we lose our capacity to listen.
Mire la emocion que le produce… y no mas… no se aferre a ella, que está con el otro es para construir y sanar
If we can keep our compassion alive, the seeds of anger and judgment in our hearts will not be watered and spring up.
It is okay if you’re not ready to listen at a certain moment. If the quality of your listening is not good enough, it’s better to pause and continue another day; don’t push yourself too hard.
!!!!!!! timing
If we try to interrupt or correct the other person, we will transform the session into a debate and it will ruin everything.
Trascender el debate… me hace pensar en Scharmer
After we have deeply listened and allowed the other person to express everything in his heart, we’ll have a chance later on to give him a little of the information he needs to correct his perception—but not now. Now we just listen, even if the person says things that are wrong.
Qué está bien o mal? SI escuchamos prifundamennte podemos encontrarnos coon verdades diferentes a las que habitan en nuestro siitema de creencias
Keep the one purpose of deep listening alive in your heart and in your mind.
When we don’t know how to handle the suffering inside us, we continue to suffer, and we make people around us suffer.
I define happiness as the capacity to understand and to love, because without understanding and love no happiness could be possible.
understand?
* sweet dream, Jethro Tull
If you want to make someone happy, you should ask yourself the question “Do I understand him enough?”
There are people who suffer so much; they’re not capable of telling us about the suffering inside. And we have the impression that nothing is wrong—until it’s too late. Waiting has serious consequences. People may isolate themselves, they may suddenly end a friendship or relationship, and they may even commit suicide.
When you’re able to listen compassionately, other people have a chance to tell you about their difficulties.
The question “Do you think I understand you enough?” is not just for romantic relationships, but for friends, family members, and anyone you care about.
We think that we already understand who we are. But unless we have listened deeply to ourselves, with compassion and curiosity and without judgment, we may not know ourselves very well at all.
Compassionate listening isn’t the only thing we can do when someone is suffering, but it’s almost always the first step.
The one who speaks has to be very mindful, using words in a way that can help the listener not be caught in wrong perceptions.
Generosity can be practiced wonderfully with loving speech. You don’t have to spend any money to practice generosity.
Our speech can cause a lot of suffering with unkind, untruthful, or violent words. Wrong speech is the kind of speech that lacks openness and does not have understanding, compassion, and reconciliation at its base.
When we hear so much speech that causes craving, insecurity, and anger, we get accustomed to speaking that way. Truthful, loving speech is something we need to train ourselves in.
1. Tell the truth. Don’t lie or turn the truth upside down. 2. Don’t exaggerate. 3. Be consistent. This means no double-talk: speaking about something in one way to one person and in an opposite way to another for selfish or manipulative reasons. 4. Use peaceful language. Don’t use insulting or violent words, cruel speech, verbal abuse, or condemnation.
When you tell the truth, sometimes the result isn’t what you wanted. You need to look deep into the mind of the other person to see how you can tell the truth in such a way that others don’t feel threatened, so they can listen.
Me hace peensar en lo que dice el dalai lama: el budismo es una teoria de la mente
It’s important to remember that what you think is the truth could be your own incomplete or erroneous perception. You think it’s the truth, but your perception may be partial; it may be blocked by something.
if we don’t want to lie, and we don’t want to trigger a hurt, we have to be mindful of our words and find a skillful means to tell the truth. There are many ways to tell the truth. It’s an art.
Right Speech requires being true to your word and not changing the content for your own advantage or to portray yourself in a better light.
1. We have to speak the language of the world. 2. We may speak differently to different people, in a way that reflects how they think and their ability to receive the teaching. 3. We give the right teaching according to person, time, and place, just as a doctor prescribes the right medicine. 4. We teach in a way that reflects the absolute truth.
Sometimes we have to use the kind of language that people speak and the way they view things. If you don’t use the language of the world, most people won’t understand what you mean, and you can communicate only with people who already think like you.
The second criterion says that we may have to speak to each person differently.
You have to look deeply at the person to see how he or she perceives, and speak in a way that takes that into account, so others can understand what you say.
There was a man belonging to the Jain tradition who asked the Buddha whether human beings have a self. The Buddha could have answered that there is no self, but he kept silent. Then the Jain man asked, “Then do we have no self?” The Buddha still kept silent. Later Ananda asked the Buddha, “Why didn’t you say there is no self?” The Buddha said, “I know that he is caught in his view. If I were to say that there is no self, he would be lost and he would suffer a lot. So although ‘no self’ is correct according to our teaching, it was better to keep silent.”
The fourth criterion is the absolute truth, the most profound view of things, and it may be found in sentences such as “There is no separate self” or “There is no such thing as birth and death.”
whenever we need to say something we know will be difficult for others to hear, we have to be humble and try to look more and more deeply to discover in what way we can talk about these things.
Instead of speaking cruelly, we begin to listen with compassion.
There are many ways that people can support us and love us without actually saying, “I love you.” You may know people who have never said, “I love you,” but you know they love you.
Look for the many ways people communicate their love without saying it. Maybe, like the tree, they are supporting you in other ways.
The first mantra is: “I am here for you.”
No matter how expensive the things you buy for someone else, they’re not as precious as your true presence.
To love someone means to be there for him or for her. To be there is an art and a practice. Are you truly there for the person you love, one hundred percent?
We can also use this mantra with ourselves. When I say to myself, “I am here for you,” it also means that I am there for myself. My mind goes home to my body, and I become aware that I have a body.
We say that love is based on understanding. But how can you understand someone if you aren’t present? Your mind has to be in the here and the now before you can love. So the first definition of love is to be there.
The second mantra is: “I know you are there, and I am very happy.” You are letting your loved one know that his or her presence is important to your happiness.
To love means to be aware of the presence of your beloved one and to recognize that presence as something very precious to you.
The third mantra is: “I know you suffer, and that is why I am here for you.”
When your loved one is suffering, your impulse may be to want to do something to fix it, but you don’t need to do much. You just need to be there for him or her.
fourth mantra: “I suffer, please help.”
The fifth mantra is: “This is a happy moment.” When you are with someone you care about, you can use this mantra.
You use the sixth mantra when someone praises or criticizes you. You can use it equally well in both cases. The sixth mantra is: “You are partly right.”
When you criticize me, I shouldn’t get lost in that and ignore the positive things.
De acercarse a nuestros detractores
When you pronounce the sixth mantra, you preserve your humility.
If you want to help society, your community, your country, you have to have a home base.
when we’re angry, we aren’t lucid. Acting while angry can lead to a lot of suffering and can escalate the situation.
