Dolores Claiborne

by Stephen King

And the reason nobody’d bothered to tell me was because I was just his wife. What the hell was I s’posed to know about money, except how to earn some down on my knees scrubbin floors n baseboards n toilet-bowls? If the man of

the house decided to draw out all his kids’ college money, he must have had a damned good reason, and even if he didn’t, it didn’t matter, because he was the man of the house, and in charge. His wife was just the little woman, and all she was in charge of was baseboards, toilet-bowls, and chicken dinners on Sunday afternoons.

‘Sometimes you have to be a high-riding bitch to survive,’ she says. ‘Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold onto.’

And when the first crack in the wall families put between themselves n the rest of the world showed up between us. Since then it’s only gotten wider n wider. She calls and writes me just as regular as clockwork, she’s good about that, but we’re apart just the same. We’re estranged. What I did was mostly done for Selena, not for the boys or because of the money her Dad tried to steal. It was mostly for Selena that I led him on to his death, and all it cost me to protect her from him was the deepest part of her love for me.

She writes for all those magazines and still finds time to write me once a week . . . but they feel like duty-letters, just like the phone-calls twice a month feel like duty-calls. I think the calls n the chatty little notes are the way she pays her heart to be quiet about how she don’t ever come back here, about how she’s cut her ties with me. Yes, I think she paid, all right; I think the one who was the most blameless of all paid the most, and that she’s payin still.

Or maybe because she’s afraid of what she might say if she had one too many while I was right handy. What she might ask. But never mind;

‘This is how. This is how you pay off bein a bitch. And it ain’t no use sayin if you hadn’t been a bitch you wouldn’t’ve had to pay, because sometimes the world makes you be a bitch. When it’s all doom n dark outside and only you inside to first make a light n then tend it, you have to be a bitch. But oh, the price. The terrible price.’

The tops of people’s arguments are mostly quite a lot different from what’s on the bottom, I’ve noticed,

I have digged a pit for mine enemies, and am fallen into it myself.

I did for love . . . the love a natural mother feels for her children. That’s the strongest love there is in the world, and it’s the deadliest. There’s no bitch on earth like a mother frightened for her kids.

Vera was right when she said that sometimes a woman has to be a bitch to survive, but bein a bitch is hard work, I’ll tell the world it is, n I was so tired.