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You are stronger than your anxiety.
“Are you going to find someone else to do this with now since you’re leaving?” Clapping our hands together twice, then bumping elbows, back to a hand clap and finally a hip bump and a hug. Nate turns the doorknob and opens the door to leave. “No, Mi. It’ll only ever be you.”
Being in love with someone who you also consider one of your best friends sounds great in theory, but what happens if you break up? Where does that leave the friendship? If you ask me, dating your best friend is just too risky… even if sometimes your mind wanders.
Honestly, the only thing that has consistently helped has been Mia. When my mind searches for peace, it’s her face I see and her voice I hear.
My best friend is the goddamn sunshine in my life when everything around me is dark and gray.
Nate Don’t lose your marbles. I had to drop Hendrix off at the doggy daycare. They accommodated me by opening up early so I could still have him home last night. I’m almost there. Send. Fucking send.
He smiles and walks over to my suitcase on wheels and pulls up the handle to walk it out. “I’ll be back for that bag.” He gestures to the overnight bag I have on the counter. “Oh, I can carry this one.” I wave him off and grab my charger out of the drawer. “I’ll be back for that bag,” he repeats, back already turned to me as he’s walking out.
I once heard a very smart woman say that being afraid of something is all the more reason to face it.”
I’m going to let Mia have her Coyote Ugly moment, but then I am yanking her off of this bar so goddamn fast. Maybe coming out tonight wasn’t the best idea.
My lips are centimeters from her ear as I tilt my head down to whisper, “Don’t bend over like that on this fucking bar giving everyone down here a show.” “I have this around my waist.” She pulls at the flannel. “I don’t care if you were wearing a goddamn tracksuit and wrapped in a Snuggie. Don’t bend over like that again.”
Mia stares at me for a second, almost tempting me as she leans in just a tiny bit closer. “Is this you being protective or possessive?” “Both,” I growl out beside her ear.
“Well, how can I help?” “You’re already helping.” His eyes close as we lie here, while the sun is nearly setting. “By making you take a road trip to relax?” Nate smiles while his eyes are still closed and then shakes his head back and forth. His blue eyes open and connect with mine, sending my pulse into a frenzy. “By existing.”
He said, ask yourself what makes you come alive. Find out what drives you. Find what makes you happy and run with that.
“A marriage based on love. Based on commitment. Filled with laughter. They choose each other, every day. The good days and the bad days… especially the bad days. My parents are best friends who are also soul mates.
They make each other laugh, they support each other through the hard times. Thirty years is a long time to be with someone. But when it’s the right person, your person… thirty years probably feels like thirty seconds and no time will ever be long enough. So, cheers, mom and dad. And I think I speak for everyone in this room when I say we’re wishing you a hundred more.”
“So, tell me. Tell me when you want me. I’ll be here. I’ve been here all along.”
“Oh my God.” Summer comes and sits between Abby and I. “Are we living in a Top Gun beach scene right now or what?”
“We’re together, Mia. I’m yours. And I’m not going to wait another fucking second without taking what’s always been mine.”
Athletes don’t talk about their mental health. At least not nearly as much as we should. And yet, over thirty percent of us experience mental health struggles. We think we’re supposed to be tougher than our problems, that we’re supposed to suck it up and do our job.
“Your love language is definitely physical touch,” I say as his hands run down my back, cupping my ass.
“I guess because to me, even really ordinary moments with you are a dream, Smalls. I still can’t believe I get to be with you.”
“Tell me what you want,” he whispers into my mouth. My eyes lock with his as my fingers feather over the tip of him, feeling how firm he still is. “Ruin me,” I beg.
“Maybe for just a friend, but Mia, you’re so much more than that. You always have been.”
“I didn’t want the world to see who I’d become. But I’ve never had to pretend around you. There are so many parts of me that I was ashamed of, so many cracks within the man I was. But you filled those cracks. Every single one, Mia. You filled them with understanding, with laughter and compassion, with love. All of it was slowly killing me, I was breaking down, I could feel it. But as always, my best friend was the anchor that held me in place. You kept me from falling too far off course.” His eyes close as he leans his head down to mine and whispers. “Eres mi sol, mi luna y todas mis
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“I love you. I’ve loved you since before I really even knew what that word meant. I just knew it was you. It was always supposed to be you.”
And if you love someone, you tell them. Even if it scares the hell out of you, you say it. Because if you don’t, you’ll never know if you just missed out on the best part of your life.
“Find someone you trust and tell them. Talk about it. Don’t suffer in silence because you’re too ashamed to say you need help. Start somewhere. There’s help out there, you just have to admit you want it. We have to talk about it. I know in this sport we want to be seen as tough competitors, but we still have the same struggles as anyone else.”
