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“Actually, it’s rechargeable. But I’ll buy you a vibrator if you need another way to go fuck yourself.”
“Just because you don’t want to date doesn’t mean you couldn’t find a friend with benefits.” “I have a friend with batteries. And it’s a lot less trouble.”
I’m not a fly. I’m not attracted to pieces of shit.”
He could claim that thing as a dependent on his taxes.
Why are the ones with quality dick game always such complete assholes? Nature gave the big ones to the wrong men. Maybe audacity is stored in the shaft.
“Until this moment, I didn’t know a vagina could pucker. It just closed up like a drawstring bag.”
“I’m sorry to disappoint you, but—no, actually, that’s a lie. I’m delighted to disappoint you, but you will not be smacking my ass again.”
drunk people don’t say things they don’t mean, they just don’t mean to say them.
Have you ever heard a woman scream, ‘Oh yes, respect me so good. Do it again!’”
“You want to be my boyfriend?” “God no. I’m not a masochist.
“I hate your guts,” she snaps. “Too bad you like it when I rearrange yours. Now bend over.”
you aren’t a bull and shouldn’t charge at red flags with your vagina.”
“I don’t care what your mother thinks. As long as you continue to yearn for me every day, I’m good.” “Yearn for you?” He grins at my chuckle. “I yearn for you?” “Glad you could finally admit it.”
“I think one day of playing fake boyfriend with my family has pushed you into insanity. You might want to get that checked out.” His hand cups my jaw and the temperature in the room seems to leap upward. He drags his thumb slowly over my cheek, back and forth, and I can’t pull my eyes away from his. “If you think this is fake, you aren’t paying attention.”
“That’s how it goes. Some days you’re the boner, some days you’re the butt.”
“You’re such an idiot. Shut up.” “But you still love and adore me. It’s okay, you can say it.” “I loathe and abhor you.” He presses his lips to my forehead. “There’s the Cara I know and love.”
