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“What’s wrong? Your Clitsucker Nine Thousand out of batteries? I can loan you some.” Great. First sex toy I’ve bought in forever and the box ends up on my lawn for that jerk to see. My face heats from embarrassment and anger but I’m not going to let him see it. “Actually, it’s rechargeable. But I’ll buy you a vibrator if you need another way to go fuck yourself.”
“Until this moment, I didn’t know a vagina could pucker. It just closed up like a drawstring bag.”
“You want to be my boyfriend?” “God no. I’m not a masochist.
“I hate your guts,” she snaps. “Too bad you like it when I rearrange yours. Now bend over.”
Silence reigns for a few moments before Maren’s grandfather pipes up, “Do ya’ll wanna hear how I shit myself at the bank?”
“I think one day of playing fake boyfriend with my family has pushed you into insanity. You might want to get that checked out.” His hand cups my jaw and the temperature in the room seems to leap upward. He drags his thumb slowly over my cheek, back and forth, and I can’t pull my eyes away from his. “If you think this is fake, you aren’t paying attention.”
“That’s how it goes. Some days you’re the boner, some days you’re the butt.” You can’t pay for wisdom like that.
I may have lost what I thought was a relationship, but I have the best friends ever.
“Love makes you do stupid things,” she mumbles. “Tell me about it. I’m in a coffin right now.” She blinks a couple of times but doesn’t respond.

