Fake Around and Find Out (Happy Haven, #1)

by S.M. Shade

Why are the ones with quality dick game always such complete assholes? Nature gave the big ones to the wrong men. Maybe audacity is stored in the shaft.

“Until this moment, I didn’t know a vagina could pucker. It just closed up like a drawstring bag.”

Twist looks up at me with his furry smile. As if he doesn’t have a footlong dildo in his mouth, chewing away.

“Twist, I swear to all the gods, I will sell you on the highway ramp,” I snap through gritted teeth. He growls playfully and slaps the ground with his front paws, butt in the air. “Hey,” one of the ladies calls out. “Don’t you kink shame him!” She and her friend fall into giggles while the clerk joins in.

He hops into the truck and settles down with the toy between his paws, resting his chin on it. Great. My dog has an emotional support dildo.

mine. “You’ll come when I make you.” Fuck me, that was hot.

Homelessness won’t be an issue because I’m going to go to prison after I murder him.

“I hate your guts,” she snaps. “Too bad you like it when I rearrange yours. Now bend over.” She

No way. Is this…is Cara listening to bigfoot porn?

“Buzzy was a good…rabbit.” Little Lucy begins to cry softly in the background, and I know her mom is at a loss. Poor kid is crying for a sex toy.

“Love makes you do stupid things,” she mumbles. “Tell me about it. I’m in a coffin right now.” She blinks a couple of times but doesn’t respond.

“Drop it!” I order, like that has ever worked with this stubborn dog. He’s found a new emotional support dildo and he isn’t letting it go.

As I glance back over the furry shoulder, a car drives by slowly and I imagine what the driver is seeing. A hysterical woman chases after a dog with a muddy vibrator in its mouth while bigfoot carries a woman and howls about pussy.