More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
She used to tell me it was dangerous to drive barefooted—illegal even. It always seemed like a dubious claim at best, and one I ignore completely now.
“Is something wrong with your car?” I ask. “No, I thought the engine could use some sun.”
He hops into the truck and settles down with the toy between his paws, resting his chin on it. Great. My dog has an emotional support dildo.
But that is not what comes out of her mouth when I bring the paddle down to swat her ass cheeks one after the other. “Ow! You fucking son of a bitch!” Okay, I think she meant that.
“I’ll tear your nuts off!” Although, I may need to hide for a few days for the sake of my balls. Her threats come as quickly as the swats. My genitals have been threatened within an inch of their life. It hasn’t stopped me from getting hard at the feel and sight of her squirming on my lap.
Oh god. I’m attracted to him. No.
Homelessness won’t be an issue because I’m going to go to prison after I murder him.
“It won’t work. They know we hate each other.” He chuckles and grins at me. “I don’t think they believe that now.” Fuck. “You’ll have to learn to be nice to me in front of your friends.” Double fuck.
“I’ll see you at home then, babe,” Monroe says, and gives me a wink. The physical restraint it takes for me not to stomp on his foot should earn me a medal.
“I get it,” Rita pipes up. “Hate sex is hot. I’ve been there. You get all angry and sweaty, curse at each other while he pounds into you.” “Rita!” Maren exclaims, gently slapping her shoulder. “What? I’m seventy, not dead. And I’ve seen some good cock in my day.” Rita turns around to look at me. “I bet that man is packing, isn’t he?”
“Yeah, Molly, but she’s nice. Girlfriends are supposed to be nice to you.” He turns to look at Cara and his serious little face has everyone hiding their smiles. “You should be nicer to Row if he’s your boyfriend.” “Yeah, Cara,” I taunt.
So damn stubborn. “I swear you’re like one of those little chihuahuas that think they’re a pit bull. He could’ve hurt you!” “Compare me to a dog again and see which body part I bite off first.”
“Okay, Cara, baby doll, would you like to accompany me back to my living room on foot or over my shoulder?”
“I’m good. Just needed to get myself off after all that teasing. Are you putting the video up now?” For about five seconds he just stares at me. “Teasing.” The word comes out like a warning. “Hey, blue walls suck just as much as blue balls.” I turn to slip my shoes on that I left by the door, preparing to leave. When I turn back around, dark eyes stare into mine from inches away.
“That about killed you, didn’t it? Do you want to call me a name to make yourself feel better?” Shadows pass over her grin from the streetlights whirring by. “I may have died a little inside.” “I think I’m growing on you. You forgot to be mean to me today.” “It’s not too late…asshole.”
Sheri opens the cooler and pins us with a suspicious stare. Jay’s panicked glance in my direction is hilarious. “Do I want to know why you’re hiding in the cooler while my orders pile up?” “Drugs!” Jay blurts. “We’re doing drugs.”
“Ooh, good idea.” He puts our ducks in sexual positions. I find different ways to kill his. Perfectly normal fake relationship.
Donna walks up to join us on the porch. “He wants to rut with every bitch in town like a dog, so I told him if he wants back in my place, he’ll wear a dog collar.” She holds up a tiny remote control. “A shock one.”
“I don’t see a dog collar,” I remark. Donna smirks and nods toward her husband. “That’s because it’s not around his neck.”
Just kill me now. “Please tell me you’re not under eighteen so I don’t have to be on some registry.” Laughing, she shakes her head. “I’m twenty. You’re fine.”
“Was he writing his phone number on your hand?” She holds it out so I can see. “No, the idiot drew a line across my palm—in permanent marker. Then he said it was his pickup line and waited for me to laugh. Spoiler alert. I didn’t.”
Her rabbit died alright. You can only charge those things so many times.
“I bought a sympathy card for a vibrator!” Lila hisses.
Her voice is muffled by the bathroom door. “Wonderful. Fantastic. Just saw the breakfast cereal I ate when I was nine. Get him out of here before I stuff him in a mattress.”
“That’s how it goes. Some days you’re the boner, some days you’re the butt.”
“Ronnie poisoned Maren so he needed a ride to the doctor. Then we got hungry, so here we are.” Ronnie grins, cutting a bite of his pancakes with his fork. “It was just some laxative, but she’s madder than a snake that married a garden hose. Cara’s saving me from the fallout.”
“She’s a sweetheart, isn’t she?” Monroe teases. “You take that back or I’ll stab you with this butter knife.” “Yeah, but she hides it well,” Ronnie quips.
“Are you trying to turn a crack house into a crack home?” “Psh, come on, this is Kentucky. Nobody does crack. It’s meth.”
“I wouldn’t do that to her.” She hands over the entry slip. “I know, but it’s been pointed out that I’m not always the best judge of character. Hurry up, you have to be there by four.”
“Love makes you do stupid things,” she mumbles. “Tell me about it. I’m in a coffin right now.” She blinks a couple of times but doesn’t respond.
“This has never happened to me,” I murmur, running my fingers over his bicep. “What, love?” “Yeah. I don’t know if I like it.
“You’re such an idiot. Shut up.” “But you still love and adore me. It’s okay, you can say it.” “I loathe and abhor you.”
